I have lost sight of hope. Ironic that I’d try to offer a blog all about hope, encouragement, love, and truth but I’ve given up. It’s the greatest heartache for me, and I don’t know where to go from here but I thought I’d let you know. I had this incredibly naive idea that this world wanted to change and that there wasn’t enough hope to go around. I thought this world needed some inspiration and a nudge forward, but I was wrong. There are plenty of people that thrive on tragedies, seek drama, and embrace ignorance. I had this grand idea that maybe I could be part of the flow that changes the world. That I could prove light is greater than darkness, that warmth is greater than cold, that love was greater than hate. But I’ll be honest. I don’t know if it is anymore. Everything I’ve ever believed in is slipping through my desperately clenched fingers hoping the fickle sand won’t discover its escape through the failures and imperfections of my hands.
Having placed before you on a splintered platter all my insecurities, all my heartaches and desperation–I believe wholeheartedly there is beauty in the breakdown. There is this breathtaking oddity in giving up because there is beauty in redemptive love. Not just any kind of love found in romance novels and glamorized films we’re so ravaged by today, and not just any kind of hope that has a pretty idea with a pretty label. But, redemptive love.
This love embraces all of the hatred, all of the tragedies, all of the rapists, murderers, prostitutes, drug abusers, and gamblers. It embraces all of Hilter’s heinous crimes, all of the holocaust victims, all of the KKK members, all of the crusaders, all of the terrorists. And above all this love madly grasped onto me. This love admits everything is wrong with this world, yet declares it is everything worth saving. This love comprehends the reality of hate and the reality of its devastation, but this love also trusts there is the purest kind of grace that exists within it. In all of the oyster’s scarred and repulsive shell there lies beneath a jewel most valuable. In all of our tragedy of April 16th, lost loved ones emerge as heroes forever valiant to this campus and this nation.
Redemptive love takes everything but perfection. Though I have given up and have been beaten down to the very fiber of my soul–I am being redeemed. I don’t have hope things might get better one day, but I have hope that there still lies goodness within heartache, and strength in brokenness. A love that doesn’t want anything else, but you. In all your failures, your cracked mirrors, your torn sneakers, your hidden nitelite.
May this undervalued love flow through you as amazing grace flowed through the slave owner that cried those words. May you see disappointment does not wait at the other end of giving up, but redemption that promises an undignified embrace. May you know that true hope is not settling for less, but believing there is goodness in life that surpasses enough. Hope doesn’t come from any source, but it is the cause that has always been. In light’s presence darkness simply cannot exist–the lighthouse shatters the infection of the darkened sky. In the presence of warmth cold simply cannot not exist—heat nurtures and heals the bitter frozen fingertips. Redemption simply cannot exist without love—I could not have hoped for strength in my despair without learning how to forgive the father that abandoned me when I was 5. May you realize redemptive love has always been the heart that gave life meaning and in hope life flourished.
