Elise Powell had always been a dog lover. She delighted in adopting pound puppies, saying she “gravitates toward the really screwed-up animals.”
Though Powell has owned her share of unruly canines, nothing could have prepared her for Bruce. A pit bull-Labrador retriever mix, Bruce had several favorite pastimes —biting people, jumping out of windows and chasing the neighbors. His uncontrollable behavior eventually forced Powell to put him down. He was only one year old.
“That was probably one of the most difficult things I had ever gone through,” said Powell, a third-year student at the Virginia-Maryland Regional College of Veterinary Medicine (VMRCVM) located on Virginia Tech’s campus.
“I kind of felt like I was being judged, because I was giving up on this dog.” Realizing her sensitivity at the time, Powell began studying the human-animal bond and now seeks to help others overcome pet loss through her work with a specialized hotline.
The loss of a pet can be a traumatic event. The resulting feelings of guilt, anger and denial are difficult to shake, and can leave many pet owners depressed and wary of finding a new best friend. It may seem that there is no one to turn to, and that no one understands the pain. These emotions inspired professionals at VMRCVM to create the Pet Loss Support Hotline.
Made possible by a grant from a pet food company in the late 1990s, the hotline is run by Marie Suthers McCabe and Powell, her student assistant. McCabe is an associate professor in the department of Small Animal Clinical Sciences at the VMRCVM, and suggests volunteering with the hotline to her students as a means of gaining patient interaction skills they will need in the future.
The hotline is available twice a week, from 6:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. Tuesdays and Thursdays and, thanks in large part to Suthers McCabe, is run entirely by student volunteers.
Prior to working the phone lines, each volunteer must undergo a four-hour training session in which he or she learns the art of reflective listening. As reflective listeners, they are able to effectively comfort those recently burdened with the loss of an animal by “just being an ear,” Powell said.
In addition to simple listening, volunteers are also educated about grief recovery strategies and resources to share with their callers. These strategies and resources have been incorporated into the five tips for coping with the death of one’s pet, listed below.
Healing takes time. Losing a pet is often like losing your best friend. The good news is that living with a pet’s death gets easier every day.
“It’s hard and painful and it seems like no time will heal,” Powell said. “Time does eventually heal, and that tends to be the best antidote for the loss.”
Exactly how much time is needed depends on the person. The average grieving period may last from as little as six weeks to as long as several months. In her work with the hotline, Powell encounters both one-time and weekly callers. She recommends that in the event that your animal is euthanized, you should remember that it is not uncommon to question your decision.
Don’t talk about replacement just yet.
“A lot of times people’s gut reaction is, ‘When I get a new (pet) it will help me get through (the loss),’” Powell said. “This is not true for everyone.”
Though getting a new pet may help lessen the effects of the loss for some people, this is not always the case and should not be considered a remedy. Powell mentioned an older gentleman who continuously called the hotline after the death of his German shepherd. He never mentioned he had two other dogs at home.
Each of our pets is special to us for a different reason. This is why it is important to allow ample time to grieve your loss and come to terms with it before considering new ownership. Therefore, in the event that you do get another pet, you can remember the good qualities of your former pet while being able to appreciate the personality and differences of a new one. Your new pet will never replace the old, but it can still bring an equal amount of joy.
“Memorialize the animal,” Powell said. As a way of remembering all the happiness your former pet brought to your life, commemorate something special for it. This can be anything from planting a tree to keeping a photograph on your mantelpiece. Powell also suggests burying the pet in the back yard, cremating the pet and keeping the ashes, or getting the pet’s paw prints cast in plaster (this service is usually offered by any veterinary hospital). Such practices are doubly beneficial in that they honor the deceased pet and are therapeutic for the grieving owner.
One way of centering your thoughts during an emotionally trying time is by writing them down. Powell suggests writing a story about the pet and what it meant to you.
“That way you can always remember that animal and the feelings that you had for that animal at the sensitive time,” she says. “And then over time, if (the pain from the loss) heals you can always go back and remember the strong memories that you had.”
Another way of releasing strong emotions is through poetry. Whether you write it yourself or read the works of others, the end result is therapeutic.
Talk to others who are sympathetic with your situation. Similar to writing down one’s thoughts and feelings, vocalizing them can also be beneficial. Find someone who has lost a pet in the past or anyone who you know is a good listener. If you can’t find either of these, call a hotline like the one run by Suthers McCabe and Powell.
During off-hours, callers are invited to leave a message with their name and phone number. These individuals will be called back the next time someone is in the office. Anyone can call for any animal. Callers range from 10-year-old children to 70-year-old seniors with pets as conventional as cats and dogs and as eccentric as iguanas and chinchillas, Powell said. Though the majority of callers only call once, people are encouraged to call whenever they feel the need.
“The relationship between animals and people is pretty powerful and the loss of those animals is a lot stronger than sometimes we even realize,” said Powell. “The Pet Loss Hotline is just a good way for people to share their experiences about their relationship with their pet to somebody who understands the bond and understands the impact that that relationship had on them.”
Additional information one might find useful in overcoming the loss of a pet can be found at the VMRCVM website, vetmed.vt.edu/centaur/petloss.html. By selecting “resources,” visitors can find books (for both adults and children), organizations, websites and information on support groups, counselors and cemeteries/crematories. For further information, check organizations such as the Delta Society or the Pet Loss Foundation. A helpful resource in itself, the VMRCVM website also includes a list of frequently asked questions about pet loss as well as the hotline number and hours of operation.
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