Some say that the world's toughest sport is football. The sheer violence of the sport makes for a strong case.
Others, though, would argue that the jumping and running in basketball puts a greater amount of stress on the human body.
Still, other people think that tennis requires the greatest amount of athleticism of any sport.
There are even people that would make a case for baseball. Though we're not sure what that would be.
Whatever the argument is for any of those sports, it's wrong.
Whether it's football, basketball, tennis, baseball, hockey, NASCAR, bowling, Chinese Checkers or curling, not one come close to the toughest, most physically-demanding sport the world has ever seen.
Bar Golf.
What, you may ask, is bar golf? The name says it all. The sport is a combination of the least exciting thing in the world: golf, and the most exciting thing a college kid can do: binge drinking.
The only requirements for the sport are a locale with 18 bars and a functional liver.
The rules are simple. Players travel to 18 bars, and a half-hour is allotted for each one. For every bar a player steps into, he or she is automatically given a stroke. For every drink consumed at that bar, a stroke is taken off. So, one drink (beer, mixed drink, shot or rubbing alcohol) gets a player to par. Two drinks is a birdie, three an eagle and so forth. Ridiculous looking golf attire is required. Argyle is preferred.
Every semester, the Blacksburg Bar Golf Association (read: me and my friends) hosts a round.
"Though we keep score, bar golf isn't so much about competing against one another," said BBGA Commissioner senior Steve Klein. "It's more about trying to finish the course."
In fact, Blacksburg has one of the nation's finest bar golf courses. Let's take a walk through it.
A solid opening hole is necessary for any good course, and here in town, that hole is the Boston Beanery. With a quality selection of 22 oz. draught beers, it offers players an excellent chance to start off a round with a birdie.
Hole two, Buffalo Wild Wings, requires some real skill. It's a tempting hole, the numerous drink specials entice the risk taker to shoot for an early lead. But players must know their limitations; going out strong early often ends a round early.
"The Red Bull and Vodkas there are good," said senior Ryan Bowler. "Two of those can give you a stroke on the competition. It gives you a comfortable lead and helps perk you up."
From there, it's a brief walk to El Rodeo. A Texas Magarita, if finished in the half-hour, is worth four under par. Be careful though, it's a two-stroke penalty if not finished in the time limit.
After El Rod's the course crosses Main Street and heads south. Holes four and five, Bogen's and PK's, offer a brief lull before the first real test.
Two-story Hokie House offers the best chance for top-tier players to make a move. 32 ounce beers can score quick eagles, while their Trainstopper, a devilish blend of 13 different liquors and four juices, is worth four under par. Last fall, senior Jeff Jones, who bears an eerie resemblance to Tiger Woods, pulled out his driver.
"Dressed up as Tiger Woods, I was at the top of my game and going for the win," said Jones. "I drank four Trainstoppers in the half hour we were at Hokie House."
It gave him an eight shot lead.
Hokie House is also the best place to load up on food before the turn. Hamburgers are both good and cheap. Players then head downhill and close out the front nine with The Cellar, Sharkey's and the Underground. After that, things start to get dicey.
Cabo Fish Taco, the opening hole of the back nine, presents one of the toughest challenges of the entire course. It offers 72 tantalizing tequilas, but the timing presents an even greater obstacle.
By the time a foursome (or 30-some, like our group last fall) reaches Cabo, it's engaged in four and a half hours of competitive drinking, and that same time is right when most people are eating out. Cabo's is quite a popular weekend restaurant. One must deftly handle the gallery. Last year, we did not.
The manager threatened to kick us out after we began spewing obscenities sitting next to a family dining.
As we dealt with the manager, Jones, still on top of the leaderboard, began throwing up in front of us. We quickly exited.
"After 10 holes, I woke up in Montgomery Regional Hospital with a .35 BAC" Jones said. "Chugging three or four Trainstoppers could very well kill you."
Sound advice.
From Cabo the course wraps back around. Across Main Street is Champs, followed by Poor Billy's and Big Al's, holes 11 through 13. At Augusta National this stretch of holes is called Amen Corner, where the Masters is usually won and lost. It's got nothing on this run.
Hitting Big Al's at 10 at night, with a belly full of alcohol, can be worse than any water hazard. By then, the bar is filling up, and players can easily be sucked in by the loud music and abundance of people.
Unfortunately, Big Al's was my undoing last round. A double Red Bull and Vodka consumed at the Cellar with the intention of sobering myself up in fact pushed me past my breaking point. I ran into a familiar face and begged her to take me home.
Most of our group also faltered at Big Al's. Even if players make it past that sports bar, a solid stretch of Boudreaux's, Oge Chi, the Rivermill and Cinco de Mayo remains.
"The prize of finishing the course is what drove me down that final stretch," said senior Daniel Heaton, one of only two participants to successful finish the course. "It's not about competition, just about finishing."
The 18th hole is Top of the Stairs. When or if you get there, order a Rail. After nine straight hours of drinking, what's seven more shots?
