Collegiate Times

It is hard to imagine a world before Facebook and instant messaging.

The majority of us experienced using some form of online communication before entering middle school, and since then it has only become more routine. While these activities have made it easier for us to keep in touch, reconnect with individuals, and foster relationships, they have also removed absolutely all mystery and chance from the process of getting to know someone.

When I talk to people from my parents' and grandparents' generations, many recall romantic stories of how they met their husbands or wives. One man went through the entire county phonebook looking for a girl's listing. Another couple sent letters back and forth while they were separated because of the war. Back then it was pretty obvious that someone was interested in you -- it wasn't as easy as double-clicking on a screen name or clicking "Add to Friends" on Facebook.  

With the new advances in technology, everything about an individual can be discovered the same day you meet that person in class or at a party. Curious about his religious or political views? Want to know her hometown, friends, and interests? It's just a click away. Perhaps you're a little nervous to get to know him or her in person. Luckily, instant messaging removes all awkwardness and anxiety associated with face-to-face contact.

These conveniences come at a price, though. While it is easy to joke and talk with a person over the Internet, rarely does the conversation progress at a real-life speed.

Without inhibitions, everything across the gamut is discussed with very few social restrictions. While you could be meeting someone for the second or third time in person, you already know (thanks in part to the stalker information of Facebook) almost everything about him or her. How do you break the ice in a face-to-face conversation when you have already thoroughly discussed almost everything about each other online?

Communication through instant messaging and Facebook removes much more than just inhibitions. It takes away all of the senses that are usually present during a face-to-face conversation. With around 80 percent of communication coming from non-verbal clues, something almost always is lost in translation. Without being able to see and interpret a person's body language, tone or facial expression, there is plenty of room for misinterpretation.

Some Facebook and instant messaging users have taken advantage of the Internet to avoid potentially awkward or unnerving face-to-face conversations.  Most people have probably had the pleasure of reading a Facebook status or AIM away message that subtly (or not so subtly) conveys another person's heartache, anger, love, or anything else they feel needs to be on display to all their friends. While it can be interesting to try to figure out at whom their well-chosen song lyrics or poem is directed, it's probably referring to something that should have instead been discussed between individuals on a face-to-face basis.

Others sign in to Facebook only to find a request to change their status to "in a relationship" with someone they may or may not be ready to date exclusively.

Call me old-fashioned, but even though it may be easier to send out a request on the Internet to test the waters, I think serious decisions like this should be considered and discussed in person before jumping the gun online.

Our dependency on technology is coming at the expense of real-life, face-to-face interpersonal skills. As we become accustomed to immediate, entertaining and uninhibited dialogue with people we sometimes hardly know, it becomes harder to bridge the gap and get to know that same person without the aid of technology.

Facebook and instant messaging are great ways to assist in communication between people, but it's important to distinguish where those programs are lacking. Receiving a "gift" of flowers on Facebook will never be the same as getting the real thing-- just as learning about someone through instant messaging will never be the same as having in-person conversations.