Hello lads and lasses -- congratulations, our favorite time of the year is upon us once again.
Hello lads and lasses -- congratulations, our favorite time of the year is upon us once again. That's right, time to watch others put on a facade and petition around to the masses in the search of that one ellusive goal ... free candy. Oh, wait! We're talking about the election? See, I should have realized that, what with the hordes of students walking around campus repetitiously asking whether we are registered to vote to the point where you interrupt them with an affirmative, "sure have," as a means just to pass and avoid another lackluster conversation. How many different ways can they instruct us on how to vote? I mean, there's how to vote from home, how to vote using an absentee ballot, how to vote as a college student here in Blacksburg, how to vote from the back of a giant Tyrannosaurus.
About a million years ago, a legislative branch known loosely as "our government" decided it would be a splendid idea to give college students the right, nay, the privilege, nay, the pleasure, to vote for our avowed leader. They soon discovered the combination of pot smoke, jagerbombs, sexual endeavors, and a dash of up-and-coming narcissism was a lucrative one indeed. I guess my problem is trying to see how others can make voting out to be so appealing. Honestly now, while I vote are the ballots going to come alive and begin singing "School House Rock" songs? Doubt it. Do you know how many mushrooms you would have to eat before something like that would happen? Six.
Well, I sought out the architectural students here at Tech, who in their own right suffer from a mild case of egotism, in hopes of my first reputable proposal. I was informed, "Voting today offers an appealing holiday from our 'namby pamby' civilized selves, which, what with most of us unwittingly living in an emasculated conformist nightmare world, it's nice to have, if only to stave off suicide for another few hours by turning on CNN and listening to the candidates ramble for another mundane hour." If you needed to read that sentence a second time don't worry; so did I. However, this led to a good point. Students can't familiarize themselves with our current candidates. They are not our peers, rather they are our father's, or in McCain's case, our grandfather's age. Moving on, let's return to our tissue-thin veneer of consumer advice and talk about methods of getting you to vote. I can sit here and give y'all a list of worn-out, mind-numbing suggestions ranging from informational parties to fliers and even political centers here on campus. We all know you would just walk right past the pretty girl with the clipboard, or quickly dispose of that handy dandy flier she just handed out with a smile, one which makes you think of asking for her number, but then nerves and the flop sweat kick in and you swiftly scurry off back to your Halo 3 and Red Bull all within the sanctum of your dorm.
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