Collegiate Times

That's just it! Students spend a majority of their time here at college either in class, in a dining hall, or in their residence hall rooms. So let us discuss how best to infiltrate these locales. Breakthrough studies confirm alleged reports that college students live off their computers -- who knew? If anyone has seen this "5 Friends Vote" clip online, and I'm sure everyone has, this form of communiqu is the embodiment of a great idea. There is no better way to reach collegiate masses than with this quaint, edifying, but most importantly, convicting message, and lasting a mere five minutes, just short of the six-minute ADD attention span we all seem to possess in our multimedia-filled state of ecstasy. I feel our bureaucratic fatheads are beginning to realize that there is an untapped resource in our society -- known loosely as the college demographic, that is, the future bureaucratic fatheads if you will.

So the point I'm trying laboriously to get to: What could be the driving force to get outside and vote? If our government really wanted our votes, they should hold two events across the nation, a Chris Brown concert and a Carmen Electra striptease, placing a booth at the entrance of both and requiring our vote for admission. But something tells me you are looking for more practical applications, so just keep that one in your back pocket. As for a realistic idea, I'm sure this brainchild will certainly trick your trigger. See, all us adolescents today need to continually ask, "What's in it for me?" I propose universities across the nation begin an optional class that students can take once during their college stay. The class will include presentations on the candidates, class discussions, lectures on the political party views and opinions, and debates from local House representatives. This will not only give students a chance to personally interact but also get a little "somethin' somethin'" out of the whole deal. The class will only be held once every four years during that year's fall semester, meeting twice a week for an hour at a time. Via attending every class and by registering and successfully voting, that student will receive two college credits.

It's funny how things stop being funny the longer you live with them.  Everyone in Britain stops snickering at the name Spotted Dick by the time they turn 12. I've almost completely forgotten that Nintendo named a console after a bodily fluid, and it's funny now how we can hear the word politician and not think of someone who can successfully talk for hours and never actually say anything. More than ever, our presidential candidates are vocalizing their message. All you have to do is listen and come Nov. 4, simply cast your vote, not for me, not for your pastor, your mother, even your country, but rather simply for your own well being.

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