He said:
Looking at Joe Biden for the first time, it's not hard to imagine him coming off of some reality show called "Senator's School" where James Carville is the ultra-slutty character, and whoever loses has to go hunting with Dick Cheney. The winners, of course, come out as sleeked down, professional senators with perfectly combed, glistening hair that could repel flames. They also have smiles so bright they can sear corneas; thus, Joe Biden shouldn't be allowed to smile anywhere near streets or in the vicinity of staring contests.
It's not just his physical looks that make Biden look like "Joe Washington;" it's also the way he talks. For one thing, Joe Biden likes to talk about Joe Biden like this when discussing Joe Biden. Should he not win the vice presidency, at least he knows he can call WWE RAW and get a job strutting out in spandex to Disturbed and handing out "Biden Cutters" to John Cena. Biden also seems to have the habit of inviting whomever he is addressing to come with him to places. Has anyone ever considered actually just saying "yes" when he asks you to go with him to Home Depot? Maybe Biden's just a little lonely -- maybe he wants to build a tree house.
Although it's nice to be able to hear a politician in an influential position issue a complete sentence with verbs, nouns and logic, Biden has a tendency to espouse verbal diarrhea. Biden can't seem to help saying things that are a little bizarre or slightly askew. For example, in June of 2006 Biden said, "You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. ... I'm not joking" to an Indian-American supporter. From there the list goes on, and he even has some poorly worded quotes about Obama that could be pretty offensive depending on where you want to put a comma. C-SPAN isn't a bar where you can get salty and shoot off your prejudices, Biden. In the future you might want to work on this because we can't have vice presidents cracking jokes about blue Slurpees to the president of Pakistan.
Biden's positions are also his shortcomings. Most of his positions make him out as another old liberal hippie smoking his peace pipe, running around in a suit trying to get away with things such as letting rational, freethinking adults come closer to their spouses in civil union. If homosexuals having civil unions were OK, then Sarah Palin would have said so. She's learned. She wears glasses.
In terms of guns, Biden is in favor of limiting gun ownership and banning semi-automatic firearms. Big mistake, Biden; if anything we need more guns. Like Barack Obama proposing appropriate sexual education classes for younger ages, we should be doing the same with our kids and guns. I want my kid to be able to synthesize a fully functional Uzi out of sticks and aluminum foil. This is a necessary step since most of our forces are in Iraq. We need somebody here (our young children) in case the Canadians finally have too many Labatt Blues and get rowdy.
Finding new sources of energy is a big issue for Biden as well. He is against drilling in the Artic National Wildlife Refuge and has said that he and Obama plan to invest in new alternative energy. This is a big sign that Biden is out of sync with what's going on in America. He's probably too busy doing yoga and trying to buy crystals from people named "Skye" to pay attention. The gas prices are going down, Biden. Turns out it was just a hiccup. Next crisis, please.
Biden, at best, is an OK guy. He's not saying or doing anything new that any other hippie liberal hasn't already said or done. Sure, he's had a few moments of maverickness in terms of voting in favor of a war in Iraq and most of the Patriot Act, but he isn't part of the change this country needs. He could be that poignant sting of disappointment just as when you go to get your favorite type of Slurpee at 7-11 and all that comes out is blue, sugary water.
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Is your intention to talk trash about a senator, or what? How about mentioning some of the positives of Biden instead of participating in a crusade of politicians? When has he mentioned someone named Skye? Maybe some research is in order , before you besmirch a sitting Senator.
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The jokes you make about his anti-gun stance are stupid. An Uzi is a FULLY AUTOMATIC firearm. NOT SEMI-AUTOMATIC, which has a long history as a type of personal use firearm for hunting, sports, and self-defense. Please know wtf you're talking about next time. Typical marginalization by a crap media outlet of an important issue to real AMERICANS.
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If you can't hunt with a regular old shotgun and feel that you need a semi automatic, you need to take a look at your shooting skills.
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saying gun words makes me feel like a man too. PISTOL lol!
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oh boy! guns! .44 caliber revolver!
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Guns are scary. Stop talking about guns!
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To each of the anonymous posters: the one at 9:30, this is what you said: If you can't write with a regular old pencil and feel that you need a computer, you need to take a look at your writing skills. To the one at 10:29: there is a distinct difference between full and semi auto, which many people group together out of ignorance. 6:55 was probably just trying to delineate between the two for the sake of the writers, who have probably never fired any of kind of firearm.
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stfu phil, no one asked you.
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And you, by lack of putting a name down, are no one!
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I think the real lesson to be learned here is that you can't synthesize a fully functional Uzi out of sticks and aluminum foil. You CAN however use a little bit of silly putty and some beer cans.
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There's only one way to settle this Phil: a game of hangman! _ _ _ _ _ _ Start guessing.
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I do have some "biden-cutters" if anyone is interested though...
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How about R?
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Only Phil's can play hangman.
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Are your biden-cutters going up on craigslist? Hit me up when they do. Also, how's the tree house coming? Your mom let you take the tv up there yet?
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How about C?
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Yep, the TV is in working order. I only get one channel though--C-SPAN. Wanna come over later and smoke the peace pipe?
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Robots are definitely welcome to play. - - - C - -
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S, then an R, then a T
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- - - C - -. Don't worry, you still have 6 guesses because I'll draw a little face on the guy.
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I'll go with an A and an E
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H? Also, current Phil, watch out for a girl named Mary.
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Time travellers! Neato. - - - C H E. 5 guesses left.
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Phil of the Future? I love that show!!
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hmm, a warning from the future and ---che.... O i think theres one more vowel...
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You're so close! - O - C H E
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Watch out for time travelers Phil.
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I'm freaking out with the whole time travel thing. -o-che ... gotta be L
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4 guesses left. I'm going to go get a spicy chicken sandwich. - O - C H E
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it's go time: U
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f u douche
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While you kids whine at each other about hunting weapons and try to bypass the profanity filter on the forum, politicians like Biden help send the economy to hell, further control your lives through government regulation, and invest your money into keeping the world at war. Really mature people.
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jared, your views and opinions intrigue me. i would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
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Jared, you've got my vote in '08! HOPE!
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Carter/Cathell '08: Really Mature People.
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Jared Carter says that he's going to, quote, bypass the profanity filter, further control your lives through government regulation, and invest *your* money into keeping the world at war. Is that the kind of man you want in office for the next 4 years? This year, be sure to vote Robot Phil Cathell.
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genius, get to work
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I would not have Mr. Cathell as my vice president, he would probably paint the white house camouflage and have and affair with John McCain.
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What color do YOU suggest painting the White House, Mr. Carter?
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Carter/Himself '08: Because if it's camouflage, they can't attack it.
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Spider-Man 3 taught me the valuable lesson that people named Topher have nothing of value to contribute in any situation.
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Hey Biden, we still on for a tree house sleepover tonight? I'll bring my GI Joe's.
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Biden's momma so fat, when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall.
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Barack Yomama, I thought I might find you here. This ends now.
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wait a minute wait wait wait, where is bethany's column? this isn't adding up at all. is topher doing both now?
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Yeah, where is Bethany's section?
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My remark about about shotguns vs semi autos does not even come close to comparing to your "pencil vs computer" example. I can write just as well with a pencil as I can with a computer. My level of writing ability will remain unchanged, my ideas will remain unchanged, and the relative speed of writing will remain unchanged. Hunting with a semi auto increases my chances of hitting my target by volume. compared to a shotgun where you have to load after each bullet shot. When you spend less time loading bullets and more time pulling the trigger, you are given an unnecessary advantage and you need to learn to shoot.
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why is no one taking this seriously? these comments are ridiculous. does anyone want to talk about politics or are we just going to dodge the issues with jokes?
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I shot a deer with a pencil once, maybe that was what he meant?
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dodge the issue with jokes! dodge the issue with jokes! tell us a joke james.
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How do you pronounce topher's last name? Is it "For He's" or is it "For Checks" or is it "For Hecks" or is it "Forks."
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It's forks. Topher Forks.
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Barack Yomama! You're going down!
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Bark bark bark bark. Guns are for jerks. Bark bark bark.
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Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.
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Biden's momma so fat when she walks around in Texas in high heels, she strikes oil!
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Barack's momma is so stupid that she failed math.
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Ooh. Good one Biden. Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
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anyone else get that He said she Said is a humor column? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.
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24 hours later, her side shows up of this.
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Can anyone say POLITICAL SATIRE/ Have any of you heard of Political Satire? Google it people.
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stop making up words kelly. i googled political satrie and nothing showed up.
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Hey Bethany, I read what you said about me. You trying to hang out later? Holla!
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Hey anonymous Can you spell Satire? I don't think so!
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Come on Kelly, don't be like that, I was just having some fun. Want to play hangman? - - - - -
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Forget about the canadians, we need guns to protect ourselves from "dem playas" who might have had a few too many hurricanes or colt 45's
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i told you this wasn't a good idea topher. lmao
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oh noes i'm a playa who's had too many fawties! somebody stop me cause i's gone craaaazy!
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Start choosing good he said/she said topics. Things people actually care about your perspecitve on. Not even that, something people want to read might be nice. No one at Virginia Tech cares about your perspective on a potential vice president's looks and academic history. No one at all.
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They are giving out free 40's to vote for Obama! Vote or...be sober
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To anonymous at 9:30........here is some clarification regarding firearms. Hunting can be performed with a number of different firearms; rifles, shotguns, and even handguns. Forgetting about handguns for a minute. Shotguns and rifles can both be manufactured in full or semi auto. Also they are made into pump action, lever action and such. A single shot shotgun or rifle (usually breech loaded) are not rare, but there aren't many. There are a couple of single barrel/single shot shotguns generally made in 20 gauge for youngsters. Even classic shotguns, coming out of Europe with long history of shotgun making, are double barrelled (over/under or side by side). Blackpowder guns are single shot of course and some shotguns allow only one shell. As for hunting it depends on what you are intending to shoot. If you plan on taking a deer with a rifle, you won't get a second shot. Well you will but said deer will probably be running. Good luck :) But if you are bird hunting, being able to load more than one round in a gun comes in pretty handy. Finally, who cares. The number one right that anyone has is to self defense and it is for this reason that we will not tolerate your limits. If someone finds themself in need of a gun for self defense, you are gonna want more than one shot. Go to the range, meet some people and see what it is all about.
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hey anonymous at 9:30, how does it feel to get BURNED!
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