Collegiate Times

He Said

It's no lie that most collegiate Halloweens are spent no differently than any other Friday night; only it's a little funnier because Mindy is puking fully decked out as Snoopy. This is one aspect of the subtle differences that make Halloween so unique for children our age. Sure, it's something you did when you still didn't know how to dress yourself and stopped doing when you started driving a car.

And sure, you rediscovered that it was the greatest holiday ever a few years later after realizing that drinking in a Christmas sweater isn't nearly as fun. But, it's close.

Although Halloween parties at Virginia Tech are normally well stocked for the night, or at least till 11:30 p.m. when the keg goes dry and the place becomes a graveyard, the real reason behind Halloween has been terribly neglected. That real reason, of course, is free candy. Candy on Halloween is that little way by which we remind ourselves of our simple childhoods. That special time when we used to go out with Mom and Dad at 8 p.m. and be home by 10 p.m., before you started running around Foxridge on Halloween night with your oommates asking girls whether they want to see your Pokeballs.

Halloween, as we all know, is also a time for most girls when modesty gets as much attention as a World of Warcraft player at a sorority. Women also conjure up spirits in the murky evening of Oct. 31. If a person listens hard enough, they can hear the ghosts of all the burnt bras from the '60s screaming as girls dress themselves up as things such as the most scantily clad, ill-equipped cops ever known to law enforcement.  

In the end, though, it's hard to complain as Halloween night is pretty much what the world would be like every night if Hooters ran the world.

On the night of Halloween, the main difference between guys and girls is that, if guys could wear their costume for the rest of the year, they would. Everyday, campus would be filled with Super Smash Brothers characters and Batmans clutching textbooks, smoking cigarettes and waiting in line for Fantastic Franks. It's hard to see why this is isn't common practice -- if I knew that I might run into a Power Ranger on my way to class, you bet I might-if-I-still-feel-like-it be there at 10:10 a.m.

Halloween is also that one night when it's OK to be standing in some parking lot in Terrace View, jumping back and forth on the roofs of cars and screaming: "I am Iron Man!" because guess what? You really are Iron Man this time! Go forth and spread your brand of automobile-hopping justice, you McDonald's-colored super hero, you.

While this may boost a guy's self-confidence, girls don't go for the guys with the pointiest Batears. It can be a difficult task, trying to convince them that you can offer them a healthy and secure future, all the while wearing enough rubber to make a few thousand rubber bands. So as not to look crazy, guys should just wear their costumes underneath their street clothes. It will make them feel better knowing that they can snap into action and become Quail Man at any time.

Another interesting difference between guys and girls on Halloween night is how they prepare for the event. Some girls go to great lengths to make their homes look like sets from "Saw" and will spend weeks on end stitching together Victorian gowns that will end up serving a better purpose as a table cloth by the end of the night. For guys, it may look as if they have done nothing to prepare for Halloween up until the moment they find some cardboard boxes and turn into robots 20 minutes before going out, but, this is actually part of a very long thought process.

Most guys spend their time in the weeks prior to Halloween looking like they have only given a tiny nugget of thought as to what their costume will be. But in reality, as guys move around their apartment their eyes never stop scanning their surroundings and their brains ponder: "What in this apartment can I put on my body that counts as a costume?"

My suggestion: Grab some duct tape and two couch cushions, and you will be the best damn looking sofa at the party.

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