Let's just say the expectations are a little high.
Thirteen years is a good majority of most of our lives, and nearly all of us have never seen $13 million. Somehow, possibly the most expensive album ever made hasn't fazed Axl Rose or the rest of the guitarists he's managed to employ -- some who perhaps dreamed of playing with Guns N' Roses as a child.
The once-thought myth "Chinese Democracy" has been a long time coming and is available exclusively at all Best Buys across the nation. As if it's not hard enough making your way through this time of year, Roses' personally-crafted baby was set to be delivered this November. Rose and the rest of the fabricated gang strive for flawlessness on this one, and I'm sure they understand they may experience fan fallout with anything less.
Front man Rose's infamous neurotic and obscure behavior has not gone unnoticed. Can one man's vision and a truckload of money satisfy the general public? I suppose when I mean general, I mean those of us who enjoy GNR in doses. And there's a big shadow looming overhead. The band's 1987 release, "Appetite for Destruction," has sold in excess of 28 million copies and the band has collectively sold an estimated 100 million albums worldwide. Without the swagger of Slash (check out his Godfather theme cover on the Use Your Illusion World Tour on YouTube) and the chemistry of the Guns N' Roses we all knew, what is there to expect?
I wonder what Velvet Revolver thinks.
Enough about the inputs -- let's get into the music. I will try my best to assume the album title is a tad more facetious than Rose may intend it to be. Rose was right about one thing: The album sounds modern -- but not necessarily in a good way. Ex-Psychedelic Furs guitarist Richard Fortus and Ron Thal make their case with their shred work. But I feel Rose's interpretation of "modern" may be an outdated and stale rap-rock anthem to the rest of us.
General casual listeners may be offset by the pulp 70 minutes of self-reflexive tracks. The good news is that some scraps of the old GNR are retained. "Better" is a good example of the unsullied GNR that most of us are used to.
"So bittersweet this tragedy won't ask for absolution, this melody inside of me still searches for a solution, a twist of faith a change of heart kills my infatuation, a broken heart provides the spark for my determination," Rose sings.
The lyrics come off as juvenile, but the important part is that Rose sounds as though he's enjoying himself. The harmony is classic and may perhaps be the best song of the record. Fortus provides an edgy yet pliable guitar riff that probably cost a mortgage payment. Guns N' Roses have proved they can make a decent slow jam with "Patience." The formulaic rock ballad has been stapled to the rest of the paperwork with "This I Love." Pianist Dizzy Reed tries his best to salvage the muddled idea.
"My affections are misunderstood and you decide I'm up to no good, don't ask me to enjoy them for you, ask yourself: What I would do to prostitute myself, to live with fortune and shame," Rose reflects.
Wish I could relate, bud.
For the most part, the problem is that the album doesn't sound fresh. All this funding that doesn't translate to a timeless record further proves that limitations are able to really challenge your creativity. When one uses what one has to make something remarkable, it disproves every major record label out there.
Sebastian Bach, Rose's partner in crime, said in a recent interview that "Chinese Democracy" will be the first installment in a trilogy of albums -- but no member of GNR has confirmed this. Maybe they'll start using taxpayer's money to fund the next two, or maybe it will bring democracy? Fat chance.
I believe A.V. Club guest reviewer Chuck Klosterman put it best.
"Reviewing 'Chinese Democracy' is not like reviewing music. It's most analogous to reviewing a unicorn. Should I primarily be blown away that it exists at all? Am I supposed to compare it to conventional horses? To a rhinoceros? Does its preexisting mythology impact its actual value, or must it be examined inside a cultural vacuum, as if this creature is no more (or less) special than the remainder of the animal kingdom?"
I whole-heartedly agree. You can't fail the student who's invested all their time into a science fair baking soda volcano.