Collegiate Times

He said:

If a guy could, he would own a T-Rex. That's a pretty obvious statement, right? Without fail, a guy would totally take a T-Rex if John Hammond had one for sale.

But, let's think about that statement. Any guy would own a T-Rex without question. For those of you who never thought you could learn something from He Said/She Said: the Tyrannosaurus Rex is a 20 foot tall, 43 foot long, 7.5 ton carnivore that lived during the late Cretaceous period and was considered by many leading experts to be more of a scavenger than a predator (thanks, Wikipedia!). Note: It is also a '70s glam band.

There are several issues to think about: Where would you keep your T-Rex? You live in an apartment barely big enough to house two Velociraptors. How would you clean up after your dinosaur? He's capable of making a forest of poop. And what about the fact your pet T-Rex -- let's call him Sparkles -- what if Sparkles just straight up eats you? You would have to douse yourself in the hottest hot sauce possible every day just in case Sparkles didn't get a chance to consume her daily cow on her walk.

This overwhelming evidence points to the fact that having a T-Rex as a pet is an awful idea. Still, guys would sign up in a second. Instantly. This is the type of mindset lurking within the depths of the male psyche when it comes to animals. Dogs are amazing, don't get me wrong. I love poodles. But, if given the chance, guys will take any extraordinary animal they can find or hit with their car and call it their own. They will pretty much adopt anything no matter how big its fangs are or how many diseases it has. This is similar to many men's taste in women. Anywho, this is why guys own tarantulas, six-foot-long pythons, and the occasional pet beaver.

Girls tend to stay within the range of cats and dogs. Maybe a ferret if they're feeling adventurous. There is, however, an odd situation when it comes to animals that girls who have large dogs tend to have awesome dogs and guys who own cats tend to have awesome cats. You know, those marshmallow-esque type cats, whose stomachs have a majestic ripple effect when they float around the apartment looking for a place to chill or have their head rubbed.

Most girls, instead of dogs, will adopt small, hairy, rodent-like creatures that are tiny, but still have the mutant-like ability to penetrate any surface with their Gatling gun level bark. When girls look at these little animals, they see a living stuffed animal -- a fuzzy Velveteen Rabbit, let's say -- and everyone else sees Crazy Craving, the '90s Honeycomb cereal mascot minus the proper potty training. Without fail, girls will gush over these furry demons as they eat anything that touches the floor, chew on anything they can fit in their mouths, and pee everywhere within the radius of their vicious unforgiving squat.

An important difference between the sexes lies within the owner's feelings toward their animals. While most guys feel that their pet is their new friend, it is undeniable that a girl's affection for their animal exists on a much more intense plane.

Case in point: the cat lady.

There are few who will truly ascend to this level, but the transformation has already begun amongst certain students. It starts small: a little, playful childhood obsession with cats. Maybe she owns a few cat-themed pillows or journals. She gets to college and finally decides to welcome a  cat into her life. Next thing she knows she's sporting a gray muumuu while flinging massive heaps of cat food to her small nation of felines.

In respect to both sexes, they're idiots when it comes to pets. Guys will waive their personal safety for any type of pet that they can get their hands on and girls will waive their awareness to what awful spawn they have accepted into their routine. There is also the general challenge of being a college student and young adult with a pet. But, should a student feel competent in owning an animal, I suppose there really is satisfaction to be had in caring for the life of a creature who loves you so much it pees itself every time you come into it's sight. If only your boyfriend had that much enthusiasm.

Continue Reading: 123 Next »