People said that the end of football season, the demise of our favorite jean-clad quarterback and the decreased visibility of Favre commercials meant the end of the Wrangler Blog.
Wrong.
This ain't your father's Wrangler Blog -- which can be viewed at collegiatetimes.com.
Nope, Wrangler Blog 6.0 returns as a retooled satirical machine.
No more of that crazed drivel about Favre being real comfortable, the American flag, random watering holes, along with off-putting commercials and moments during football games. Now we're diving into the nitty-gritty - off-putting commercials and moments during basketball games.
We make the shift with Howie Long, a man who's transformed from NFL great, to television analyst, to guy who stands around parking lots and harasses people in Chevrolet commercials. In case you haven't seen it, he basically waits out in front of stores and makes pointedly condescending remarks about people who drive non-Chevy pickup trucks.
You half-expect the motorist to turn around and lay down a little piece of his mind. That's before the unsuspecting citizen slumps when realizes, "Oh, great, it's Howie Long."
Just before his victim crawls dejectedly into his front seat, Long will usually throw in one last sneer accompanied with a line like, "Don't forget your 'man' step," regardless of whether the guy was finished packing his groceries.
Despite viewing the commercial about 90 times, I still feel that Howie's long-held grin at the end somehow becomes more arrogant each time. If that's what he was going for, it was a masterful job of acting in a comparative advertisement - so good, it caused my friend to remark, "Wow, that sounds like a truck for environmentally-friendly people, but can I still get one if I'm not a jerk?"
Nonetheless, any Chevy ad is infinitely less irritating when it doesn't involve the jingle "This Is Our Country," by John Selloutcamp. So, thanks Howie Long.
Of course, all of these thoughts would've drifted to the recesses of my brain if it weren't for CBS' magical product. Few televised sporting events rope you into accidentally spending 10 straight hours a day with the tube quite like March Madness.
Not that I don't enjoy every moment before my bracket crashes and burns, but four consecutive days of frontal lobe-numbing action makes the line between reality and hallucination a bit gray.
With fiery play-by-play announcer Gus Johnson getting the shaft on close games, save for Michigan State-Kansas, I could hardly believe some of the thoughts coming from an extremely excited Clark Kellogg. Was he trying to emulate Gus or pick up the slack?
Couldn't say for sure, but we now know loud and clear that he's a fan of Blake Griffin. At one point in the first half he raved something along the lines of, "TV does not do his body justice, myyyy goodness!"
My immediate reaction: "Did that just happen? Uh, wow, we all love Blake Griffin, but..."
Minutes later he interrupted this thought by coloring the hot hand of Syracuse guard Johnny Flynn with "Little fellah starting to percolate!"
"Eccentric or weird?" I wondered, then received multiple texts from friends about how they were going to do homework or head to a party, but now had to see where Kellogg wanted to take America next.
Though, what turned my living room off on Saturday - as had been the culprit in past years - was ceaseless references to "New York City toughness." This trivial term had been constantly applied to Pittsburgh guard Carl Krauser between 2004 and 2006 because, I guess, he's from the Bronx.
During the Connecticut-Missouri West regional final, color commentator Jay Bilas beat us senseless with the fact that Huskies' guard Kemba Walker happened to hail from the Big Apple and how it translated to his monster crunch-time performance.
Then, when Walker hit a flailing one-handed bank shot to put UConn up by five in the final two minutes, how would Bilas slam this call home?
"New York City toughness."
A friend of mine broke the living room silence:
"That's gotta be one of my least favorite forms of basketball analysis."
We then recalled how Krauser and Pittsburgh never got past the Sweet 16 and how - before this season - the University of Connecticut's proximity to NYC hadn't led them out of the first round since 2006.
Announcing partner Dick Enberg then came back at us with even more insight on Walker: "6-1 from the Bronx, no wonder he's a McDonald's All-American."
OK, maybe that makes Kemba Walker tough. But does it make him real? Will I be comfortable with this form of compliment? Perhaps only in the midst of writing another Wrangler Blog.