I was in a Christian relationship my senior year of high school, and it failed right in the first couple weeks of college. And that was a really tough year for me, and the anger with my dad for checking out was even more evident when I got to college. Freshman year, I got involved in Cru, but it was still a growing time for me. I think that's the first time I learned to know God as Father and that I can rely on him, and I can depend on him for what I need. After that year, things really started to turn up between my dad and me. The first part was pretty rough, and I started to make an effort to get involved
with my dad, to invest in him and to build a relationship. I always had this frustration and anger because I thought, "He's the dad; I'm the son. He's the one that's responsible," but then I said, "Why don't I make the effort?"
and I've seen a lot of really awesome things happen from that, and I see him more frequently. But he has other things to wrestle with.
Over the last two to three years, God has been teaching me some really crazy things about Himself. I feel like I never had a really good idea of who He was. Sometimes you have these friendships that have been going on for years, and then in a couple months period you find out who that person really is, and I feel like that what I've really been learning. I've learned about his faithfulness, his redemptive side, the importance and power of prayer, and making that intimate time for him to quiet my heart, to be still, and to just be in front of the God of the universe.
I was really involved with Cru until the end of last year when it started to fall off. I'm not involved in a Bible study this year, and it's nothing against Cru, but I think what's really happened is that my faith has become more personal. I relied a lot on the groups and a lot of my quest was an intellectual quest. You can read the Bible, and you can read it as a history book, and you can say I know this, this and this about God. But until you reflect on yourself and ask God to reveal - What does this say? What is this trying to tell me? - it doesn't mean anything except for that I can answer all the surface-level questions.
I've been asking myself tougher questions. When I look at Moses, I say, "Wow, he stood up to Pharaoh," but also "Could I do that?" A lot of times I would approach a pastor and ask him what I should do in a given situation but never asked God himself and asking him to guide me. So I think that a huge part of my growth in the last year has been through seeking God on my own instead of going to everyone who could tell me about God but not going directly to God.
I'm going to graduate school at Tech for civil engineering. I always thought I would do civil engineering and go into the workforce, but now I'm at wherever He calls me to go. My heart was originally set on a career, but lately I've learned that's probably not where I would enjoy myself the most, not where I would love to be. I hope maybe someday I can offer the same hope to someone who is in the same position I was.
For me, it would have been foolish to say, "Stop drinking. Stop smoking pot." I think the loneliness and the brokenness is the issue. I personally think that comes from separation from God.