HE SAID:
Being part of a major is sort of like having someone describe your zodiac sign to you. For example, as a Pisces I cry a lot and am a huge tool. Just the same, people interpret your major and make assumptions about your personality based on what you're studying. When I switched my major to English - professional writing, to be specific - sophomore year, I discovered that the world has one new way of rationalizing why I am in such a constant state of massive failure.
To big fancy majors such as biochemistry and engineering, I am inferior and don't have a real major with my literary criticisms and classes such as literature for children. Because I have no interest in figuring out what a deform is and think Beowulf is a good way to spend a day, my opinion is totally useless and uninformed. Then there are the standard stereotypes and illusions around English majors: They think that we'll all end up as teachers (a fate that my educators have described to us as the only reason to be an English major), that we all think they're Hemingway, and also, we all apparently own a journal for their thoughts and feelings ... OK, that's true. But I stopped writing in mine so much because I wasted too many pages interpreting the meanings behind Death Cab for Cutie songs.
The funniest part about being an English major is that people expect you to speak impeccable English every moment of every day versus just being able to write it, which is where I excel (sort of). I can't speak English; I can't hold a conversation without slurring my words or switching around nouns in my sentence i.e. "I'm going to mouth you in the punch."
Yet, people jump on these various and constant blunders of mine like they caught a mime swearing. "Oh nice job, English major," they snicker and sneer with pride. It's really not fair. When will I have the chance to point out to an engineer that he misinterpreted the reference frame in his vectors homework and then continue on about how he should really reconsider the fact that this major is not for him and to think about how he will look in red and yellow framed through a drive-thru window once he is effectively rooted out by the system.
From the start, being a university studies major implies nothing about you other than the fact that you're indecisive or attempting to Van Wilder it. It is the blank slate for people and explains why the communication major exists. The indecisive people need a place to go to after they are forced to change from university studies.
No matter where you end up in school, it's just important to be part of something that interests and engages you. This is why I admire people who are religion majors - the most I can say to them after four years of education, which includes an expansive look at faiths I can't pronounce, is "God help you." Same deal with philosophy, something to consider down the road: How did Plato deal with his credit card debt?
The good news is that we're all in this big boat called college together and in the end, nobody is going to get a job anyway because of the sins of the generations before us. So the years spent being lightheaded from gazing down from the top of a gigantic stool of knowledge that you'll forget once you squeak by the test don't mean anything after you've graduated and spend the rest of your years surviving off plain pasta and packets of Pop Tarts.
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Shouldn't an English major know when to use "e.g." instead of "i.e." which makes no sense in the given context?
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Oh, the irony of stating that writing is where your talent lies rather than spoken English, yet employing the use of very, very long run-on sentences with no punctuation in paragraphs unrelated to that point.
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I was shocked to learn that Mr. Forhecz is an English major. I do not hold English majors to an impossible standard of perfect verbal speech. However, in a formal writing context, such as, oh, say, a newspaper column, I expect a base knowledge of grammar. One week, Mr. Forhecz made a comment about wishing to ignore idle prattle during his English classes. I would hope that he pays closer attention in such classes. Despite being in a technical major, I hold English majors in high esteem; I find it to be one of the more respectable fields. I would say that everyone at the Collegiate Times could stand to pay more attention to their written word.
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