Weighing in at 6 pounds 7 ounces, my bundle of joy arrived about three months after my 21st birthday. Born of late nights spent double-fisting Mr. Sam Adams and Gentleman Jack Daniel’s, I nursed my baby bump by unabashedly drinking for two.
Pregnant with drink specials and seasonal festivities, bars have been a tempting destination to miscarry my better judgment and adopt both expensive bar tabs and a budding beer belly. Providing a warm, dark, nurturing environment, bars and alcohol have a long-standing legacy of providing a surrogate womb to the ailing student body that is weakened by spring fever and final exams.
And as the last term of collegiate gestation comes to a close, graduating students are right to embrace the environment that fostered their educational and social development before they are pushed into the real world and slapped by bills and a bleak job market.
Unfortunately, nurturing such a lifestyle is a known detriment not only to your health, but also to your bank account.
Desperate to keep happy hour happy, I’ve developed a solution to defeat this postpartum recession while satisfying my expanding waistlines and shrinking savings: through mixing my own drinks and mixing up my wardrobe.
Raise your glass (and refill it too) to simple DIY solutions for cocktail attire, salvaged from a resource as untapped as next year’s freshman class: carelessly aborted, secondhand maternity wear.
MATERNITY SHIRTS: HIDE YOUR BEER BELLY AND DISCOVER YOUR SEX APPEAL IN THIS TEMPTING TUNIC
Designed to flatter the stomach and provide enough length to conceal a baby bump, maternity shirts generally have a great neckline and extended front that can be worn as a tunic with minimal alterations. You may need to shorten the straps by cutting them to the appropriate length and sewing them back in place, but I’ve also found a slew ready to wear. Pair with tights or skinny jeans, stilt-rivaling heels and oversized jewelry for a look that will send singles crawling to your side.
MATRONLY MUUMUUS: A MAKESHIFT HOMELESS SHELTER OR FLIRTY FRINGE FROCK
Bursting with options like a belly two weeks past due, thrift stores dependably offer a hearty selection of massive muumuus and oversized dresses whose shapeless silhouette are perfect for housing twins or converting into a flirty fringe frock.
A version of this article appeared in the Apr 22 issue of the Collegiate Times.
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Article speaks for itself. Absolutely pathetic value system.... focused on excessive alcohol consumption. Go Hokies...NOT
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