JAMIE MARTYN/COLLEGIATE TIMES
HE SAID:
I am not a human nutrition, foods and exercise major, but I’ll pretend I am.
I’ve just been released from my metabolic nutrition class, and I’m swinging by Hokie Grill for a pre-workout snack. Enlightened by the day’s lecture about the importance of fruit in one’s diet, I snag a banana. I figure I’ll be running, and I don’t want a cramp to cause my violent collapse on the treadmill.
With a banana in hand, I stroll into the gym locker room. I turn the corner of an aisle only to nearly collide with none other than my metabolic nutrition professor. He came for a quick jog immediately after teaching, and he’s already done. Now there are two bananas out in the open, and his most definitely isn’t on the food pyramid.
Yes, I stand before my stoic, naked academic superior in what I feel is one of the most undesirable contexts ever. We exchange pleasantries as he sidesteps me for the shower, but nothing about the interaction is pleasant. I find the nearest trashcan and fiercely Lebron James-dunk the fruit; my next trip to Kroger will involve dry heaves when passing the potassium. I simultaneously curse the thought of the next metabolic class where I’ll only be able to envision the post-exercise version of my instructor.
Maybe you’ve also experienced such a jarring confrontation at Virginia Tech. You get to know a faculty member in a specific setting, and suddenly they are stripped of that environment as well as their entire wardrobe. The course syllabus didn’t mention “full-frontal” anywhere in its requirements.
Baring your body — farmer’s tan, birthmarks, questionable hairs and all — includes an inherent level of vulnerability. I suppose it’s not as much of an exposure as all the lies, deceit and regret we internalize (unless you’re a saint), but you’ve still crafted a notion of who you are with your clothes: crisp and professional, indie and eccentric, organic and elemental, ad infinitum. Without those literal layers, your tangible core is on display; these are my shapes, sizes and colors — are you surprised?
Although I perceive dropping trou as having a significant consequence, I’ve come to find that other people view it far more lightheartedly (e.g. the lead singer of the band Of Montreal performing in the buff for half of a concert in February). Some promote that it’s our natural state, and it should be embraced. I don’t shake a fist at the opinion. When alone at your apartment, a few extra towel-less minutes after a shower are nice.
A version of this article appeared in the Apr 30 issue of the Collegiate Times.
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