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As the school year winds down and the LGBTA’s Pride Week (March 28 to April 1) approaches, I am filled with a stronger sense of self than I have ever experienced before. I’ve seen many articles this year about gay issues, and most of them have been powerful, productive messages. I hope this will also be one of them.
I may as well come out with it: I’m gay. However, that is not all I am. I am a young man of English and Irish heritage. I am the first in my immediate family to go to college. I want to dedicate my life to helping both animals and people in any way I can.
We’re multidimensional, complex individuals.
As a result, no single label will ever be able to fully describe a person and certainly not just with the words “gay” or “straight.” It seems silly to get hung up on that difference any more than preferences for ice cream flavors or favorite colors. Yet, because some people do, there is a legitimate need for “pride.”
I try to take pride in many facets of my life. To me, pride is self-respect. It is not a pompous, “better than you,” feeling. It is about recognizing my own qualities and acknowledging how they all make up the person I am today, both the good and the bad. Pride is being able to look into a mirror and smile, instead of disparaging yourself. It is not living without modesty. Rather, it is about knowing yourself well enough to be confident in your own characteristics and abilities. It is not something easy to obtain or maintain, but it is worth it for your peace of mind.
I think “Gay pride,” “bi-pride,” “trans-pride” or any pride is based around this. It is not about shoving beliefs down people’s throats or having some inherent need to constantly proclaim, “I am gay.” It’s about uniting with other like-minded individuals to reaffirm the drive to live our lives the way we want in spite of other people’s criticism.
I don’t want to be told my love is wrong or unnatural simply because it doesn’t fit someone else’s standard. I don’t want to recruit anyone, destroy any institutions or distribute an agenda — I just want to able to live my life to the best of my ability. For me, that will likely mean having another man as my partner. After going through so much, I finally fully accept that part of me and no one can take that away. That part of my pride is unshakable.
Among gay people, our experiences concerning coming out tend to be extremely different. There’s no way I can encompass them all, but for me, it wasn’t so bad. It took a little time for my mother to accept that part of me, but my father handled the topic just fine. From there, I was trying to live my life more openly and not bottle things up.
When I came to college, I became involved in clubs, made tons of new friends and experienced my first relationship.
These two years have been a period of powerful personal growth for me, just like what most people experience in college. I feel more connected to my friends, family and peers now that I can live as openly as I do.
Every day I live life more deliberately. I owe a large part of the pride I feel to coming out. However, an even larger part is thanks to the wonderful community of encouraging friends I have found here. Even though coming out is a continuous process, it does get easier, thanks to the pride that I have made vital.
I think the most important message I want to convey is that the division some people imagine between gay people and straight people is not as significant as it is portrayed by some. Also, all people should take pride in themselves, whomever they are.
The respect people feel for themselves should also become apparent in the respect they have for others. Most importantly, be happy. Celebrate living with pride.
A version of this article appeared in the Mar 25 issue of the Collegiate Times.
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Here we go again. Time for our Bi-weekly (no pun intended) Friday column on LGBTA.
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Week 1 - LGBTA
Week 2 - Planned Parenthood
Week 3 - LGBTA
Week 4 - Planned Parenthood
Rinse and repeat.
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Don't forget an article on the Black History Month -- which I think is now officially every month.
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and look at you all bothering to read and comment! precious of you, really!
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Did you ever think a good way to minimize the "division some people imagine between gay people and straight people" is to stop bombarding straight people with newspaper articles and TV/internet campaigns telling us how gays are no different than the rest of us?
You're gay, and despite what you might say, you choose that to be the defining characteristic of your life. Good for you. Can I get back to my breakfast now?
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Gay people wouldn't need to have their lives showcased on tv and in the news if they weren't the objects of irrational hatred and liberty-limiting constitutional amendments. Gay people aren't in the way -- they're constantly being forced to present a case for themselves so they dont have any more rights curtailed during election season. I sure do hate it when civil rights issues keep me from enjoying my breakfast.
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See this is part of the problem, you constantly try to make yourselves look like victims. This isn't the 1950's anymore, society doesn't care what you do or who you do it with. God does but frankly we can't be bothered with it, at this point it's old hat. No one is taking away rights from homosexuals, we are having a discussion on whether or not it would be correct to extend additional rights but that's a more a matter of respecting other groups' rights in the matter as well. I don't see any articles being sent to the Collegiate Times condemning homosexuality but sure enough we get a constant flow of articles from your lot trying to preempt an attack that never comes. We are well justified in our statements when we say, "Enough!" to these submissions.
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The fact that you have a preference for sex that is biologically and anatomically unnatural might be seen as a little more important as to whether you like chocolate or strawberry soft-serve.
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Straight couples are doing the exact same things that gay couples are doing in bed.
And why the fixation on sexual acts? That weird obsession is coming from your side of the fence, not ours.
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Straight couples and gay couples are not doing the exact same things ib bed. Straight couples usually have both a p*nis and a v*gina involved in the process.
Your side of the fence should buy a dictionary since the accepted definition of homosexual is:
1: of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward another of the same sex
2: of, relating to, or involving sexual interc*urse between persons of the same sex
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Weird. That accepted definition doesn't say anything about it being "biologically and anatomically unnatural." So is that "fact" you brought up moot? Or really just your opinion?
But I must agree with you. Straight people and LGBT people are having different kinds of interc0ure. See, when I get down with a fine piece, she has an 0rgasm. A real one.
So since you've found it necessary to bring up what happens in LGBT bedrooms, I felt it necessary to let you know. But here's the thing. I don't give a gosh-darn about what straight people do behind closed doors. If you are straight, that's totally cool with me; do what you've gotta do. Why are you so concerned about me? Do you want to be my friend? Do you want to know more about me as a person?
Probably not. Because gay, straight, bi, trans, cis, Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Atheist, Agnostic, or whatever your desired label -- it doesn't matter because the bottom line is that you're just some malarkey-spewing weisenheimer (Oh, I went there!) with a keyboard and a kinda douchey outlook on the world (and I don't care about your sex life).
PS: I know I'm an opinionated jerk. I've come to terms with identifying with that "life-style choice."
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Anononymous @ 243pm,
I've developed that 'opinion' on what is biologically and anatomically unnatural because I've read books, absorbed facts, and try to look at things objectively.
Any 8th grader can tell you that s*x is intended solely to procreate the species -- not to provide orgasms or pleasure. Any other s*xual behavior is quite honestly abnormal or defective. (Oh, I went there!)
Insert tab a into slot b and about 9 months later you get a baby. Try whatever other combinations of slots and tabs, and see what happens.
As per your lifestyle choice, do whatever the heck you want behind closed doors. I could care less if you have interc*rse with someone of the same s*x, a farm animal, or a potted plant. They're all equally fruitless pursuits in my mind. But hey, it's a free country.
I do object to constantly to throwing this issue in the face of the straight community, or trying to draw parity between the h*mosexual lifestyle (which is a choice) and conditions which aren't chosen (race, ethnicity, etc.)
And before anyone even says it -- I'm not some right-wing Christian hater. I was raised Catholic, but pretty much think most religion is bunk.
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I don't know where this "choice" argument comes from. I didn't wake up one day and go "Hm...you know what? I think I'll date girls now." It is something people struggle to understand from the very beginning, from the first moment you realize you're attracted to a member of the same sex. Imagine going through middle school and high school trying to understand why you have this attraction, being unable to relate to your friends as they gush about boys, and being unable or too afraid to explain to anyone what is wrong. I honestly believe that until you have been in that situation, you truly cannot comprehend how ludicrous the "choice" argument really is. I don't personally know anyone who would choose this life. We face discrimination every day in almost every facet of our lives. The only choice I see is whether or not you accept who you are or choose instead to continue to live a heteronormative lifestyle. And as for throwing it in your face? Sexuality was not the point of this article as someone already stated. The point was pride in one's self. Sex was dragged into the picture by the straight side, so take that up with your community.
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Anonymous @ 5:58 PM
So you're saying homos*xuals don't have free will? Somehow your desires are the results of some cruel twist of fate, or malicious whim of a higher being?
I have a hard time respecting any community that defines itself primarily as helpless victims. It's childish and annoying.
Maybe the first step in developing pride is to acknowledge that you are somehow responsibility for your lifestyle - which is biological and anatomically abnormal.
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I do not think that is the point this person was trying to make. Biologically speaking, it is possible that there is some sort of anomaly that "causes" homosexuality. Does that make the person responsible? No. That would be like saying someone is responsible for the color of their skin or their eyes or any other trait rooted in someones genetics. The choice lays in whether or not someone chooses to accept that they are this way or whether they choose to ignore it.
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research has shown that a decent amount of heterosexual couples have done anal.
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"research has shown that a decent amount of heterosexual couples have done anal."
And it's equally vile when they do it too.
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There is more to homosexuality than what happens in bed, just like in any heterosexual relationship. There is also deep, abiding love, a concept most people opposed to homosexuality tend to ignore. If gay sex bothers you so much, the solution is simple: don't sleep with members of the same sex. I don't understand why anyone feels justified in criticizing the sex life of another person. I would not come up to you and degrade your sex life. It is private and personal and none of my business. The message the author is trying to convey does not deal with sex in any way, it deals with accepting the way that you are and taking pride in the person you have become which is something to be admired not condemned. He is happy with himself and people would cut him down for that? I just don't understand. There are truly terrible things going on in this world right now and instead people choose to focus on denying others the right to live and to love as they please. I am disgusted.
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Well put, Garrett! Thanks for writing this :)
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I'm incredibly concerned for the straight population (or at least the ones who choose to post here). A strange thing to say, but hear me out.
Garrett did a fantastic job of defining 'Pride.' Not just a definition that works only for the LGBT community, but one that could work for any group of people -- one of self-respect. Self-respect is a beautiful thing. If you are at home with what kind of person you are, you find a bit of peace (which is why coming out is such a big deal for LGBT folks). It's an affirmation of being okay in your own skin. When one begins to respect the person they are its only natural that they would begin to show respect for other people just being themselves. How can you love others without first loving yourself?
Is it insecurity? Is it the blind acceptance of a values structure? I feel like the strongest Christians are the ones who listen before they speak (you know, like Jesus). But not to call Christians out, I'm sure there are non-religious people who are "grossed out" by LGBT folks, but why?
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My big concern is that these posters are perhaps insecure with themselves. Not their $exua1ity (although sometimes this is the case) but something else that I can't put a finger on.
I'm not a baseball player. I have no interest in being a baseball player and I honestly have no interest in watching a game and I'm okay with that fact -- So, I don't read baseball articles in the CT and I certainly don't comment. So why is it that these apparent straight folks keep coming back to these LGBT-themed articles and dragging a group of people that they would otherwise not want to be affiliated with through the mud? Genuine concern? No, they'd be nicer about it.
I think it comes back to self-respect.
The very existence of LGBT-people should not be threatening to straight folks. We're not out to get you, eat your babies or whatever it is they've been telling you. Maybe its because straight people haven't had to think of their $exua1ity as something different from "the others", so you've never had to self-identify. I mean, when did you choose to be straight?
I think that straight folks should take a little more pride in themselves and be okay with who they are. I really think that if you're actually trying to love who you are, you'll see that everyone else is a person just like you. And they all deserve respect.
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Apparently the CT has a TL;DR filter.
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That's an interesting analysis but I would be quick to call the homosexual community insecure simply looking at their need to constantly post articles in support of their agenda. Someone makes a comment bringing up the fact that homosexuality goes against the Christian doctrine and there are over 100 comments and a response article in the nest edition of the CT. That same person brings up the fact that the mormon faith goes against the Christian doctrine, in a separate article, and there are 16 comments total, with only a fraction of those in response to the statement. Looking at the two groups I would have to conclude that either the mormons don't read the CT or they simply are not bothered by the comment. Determining why those statements rile you lot into a frenzy is an undertaking worthy of a thesis. If I was forced to speculate on the matter I would hypothesize that the straight community is not the only group of people you are trying to convince but again that it is merely a guess on my part.
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That's an interesting analysis but I would be quick to call the homosexual community insecure simply looking at their need to constantly post articles in support of their agenda. Someone makes a comment bringing up the fact that homosexuality goes against the Christian doctrine and there are over 100 comments and a response article in the nest edition of the CT. That same person brings up the fact that the mormon faith goes against the Christian doctrine, in a separate article, and there are 16 comments total, with only a fraction of those in response to the statement. Looking at the two groups I would have to conclude that either the mormons don't read the CT or they simply are not bothered by the comment. Determining why those statements rile you lot into a frenzy is an undertaking worthy of a thesis. If I was forced to speculate on the matter I would hypothesize that the straight community is not the only group of people you are trying to convince but again that it is merely a guess on my part.
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I think the reason so many straight people take time to comment is that many straight people think that lifestyle is wrong due to their personal values, their religious beliefs, or because they simply find the lifetsyle biologically unnatural.
Also, it seems a little contradictory that someone who is so okay with himself would take the time to tell the world why. Most of the time if someone has to tell you they're confident, it's because they are trying to convince themselves. It's kind of like being spiritual: if you have to tell someone you are, you aren't spiritual enough for it to affect your life in a big enough way for other people to notice.
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As for the people who say they are tired of the posts: I think it's legitimate. I'm glad people are out there discovering themselves; however, if someone's sexual preference was really just as important as what flavor ice cream a person chooses, I'd see a lot more articles of freshmen girls who are finally okay with eating their very fatty moose tracks ice cream cone on the sidewalks instead of choosing the nonfat sherbert when they know someone will see them.
When you constantly bombard people who frankly neither support your lifestyle and its struggles nor wish to hear about it, they'll be less likely to see your points as valid and more likely to disregard what you say simply because they get tired of hearing about it.
(IE, how many people stopped doing Relay for Life events simply b/c they were facebook friends with an exec member and just got tired of being prodded about it weekly? Transfer that annoyance to a cause you simply don't support and see why it gets people's goat).
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so, it is any cause that tries to reach out to new people that annoys you not just the LGBTA cause. Glad that you care as little for cancer research as you do for LGBTA people.
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I think you ^^ are missing the point. Any cause, even supporting cancer research, that's thrust into other people's faces constantly becomes annoying. Life is multifaceted and there are many just causes to support.
It becomes even more annoying when someone (or many someones) keep insisting that they are confident about their highly controversial lifestyle over and over and over and over and -- (is that repetition unnecessary?). Once is an eye-opener that shows other people the different side of an issue. Four weeks in a row is unnecessary and irresponsible journalism in that it is no longer even pretending to report on both sides of the issue.
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BEAUTIFULLY written, Garrett. Thank you.
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