Dan and Gil Harrington sit in their Roanoke home holding the box containing the remains of their daughter Morgan Harrington, who disappeared after a Metallica concert in Charlottesville, VA and her remains were found at a farm 10 miles away.
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“What people don’t really realize is that this will never go away,” he said. “It is part of the fabric of our life that our lives are. It is difficult for people to comprehend that.”
But Dan and Gil said their community has been amazing. Their neighbors put a meal schedule under their door and fed them for months.
“We had to stop them,” Gil said. “I have to pick up the reins somewhere.”
They have found support through online and social networking as well. Strangers to the family set up the “Help Find Morgan Dana Harrington” Facebook page, which has about 30,000 members, and FindMorgan.com.
People from all over the world, such as Sweden and Finland, have e-mailed Dan, but their words only help so much.
“This is a private journey,” Dan said. “And other people — as much as they help and want to support — it is a journey that really Gil and Alex and I can travel.”
Dan said the sites have become centerpieces to keep Morgan’s story alive, which is why he involves himself with them.
Gil finds the site valuable — it is a place for her to post pictures and blog.
“(Blogging) is almost like pulling splinters out or shards of glass from a wound that you have,” she said. “Pull it out so it doesn’t fester.”
Dan said he doesn’t foresee a time when he would take down FindMorgan.com, which he purchased from its creator. However, he did close the forum piece of the site because it became a place for people to threaten the family.
But Dan doesn’t immerse himself in Morgan’s personal Facebook page, which remains inactive. He said he just doesn’t want to use it.
“That was hers,” Gil said. “You like to know that it still exists, but she doesn’t.”
Dan uses Morgan’s school laptop, which is covered with police evidence tape and is missing one of the keys, as a point of connection.
“These are the games parents of dead children play with themselves to try and make it okay — for at least the next day,” Gil wrote in an e-mail.
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The Harringtons honor their daughter, who was a junior education major at Tech, by working on projects Morgan was involved with.
Gil is in Zambia working on the construction of the Morgan Dana Harrington Educational Wing, which is part of Orphan Medical Network International. She, and others with OMNI, will provide free medical care to those in Zambia. Gil will primarily deliver wound care.
She said she hopes the school will be roofed by the time she arrives.
Dan created the Morgan Dana Harrington Memorial Scholarship to remember his daughter, who was a VTC intern.
Morgan’s case also premiered on “Disappeared,” a TV show on Investigation Discovery, Monday, April 18.
The Harringtons said they went through about eight hours of interviewing for the show.
UVa dedicated a plaque to Morgan on Copley Bridge in Charlottesville, the place she was last seen on the night of her disappearance. The Harringtons have visited this place, as well as the farm where her remains were found.
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But the Harringtons’ time and effort spent on their projects doesn’t lessen their daughter’s horrendous murder or their pain.
“There are days, and there are days,” Dan said. “As medical people, you are good at compartmentalizing — putting emotions aside to do the job at hand.”
Dan said he and his wife superficially appear to function well. But his emotions don’t necessarily match his outer persona.
“The wave of grief, and feelings of helplessness, and feelings of how do you go forward with such a hole in your life have really come to at least rest on me,” he said.
Gil said it is a rare experience for a couple to have their child killed, and there is no template to follow for the grieving process.
“There is really no norm,” she said. “You have to synthesize it as you go along. You try a lot of things — this feels good, this doesn’t feel good. Let’s move in a different direction.”
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A version of this article appeared in the Apr 28 issue of the Collegiate Times.
Leave a comment 48 Comments Write a letter to the editor
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Thank you for this kind and thoughtful article. Thank you foe helping keep this story in the public eye.
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This is so sad, the part about calling her cellphone to hear her voice almost had me in tears. I watched the dissapeared episode on id discovery and morgan reminded so much of myself,the pantera shirt and all those cds of bands like the who and tool.Metallica was one of the first bands i got into in middle school.How could the person who did this to her live with such guilt haunting him every day? I wish I was there with her at that concert so nothing would of happened to her.
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This is so sad, the part about calling her cellphone to hear her voice almost had me in tears. I watched the dissapeared episode on id discovery and morgan reminded so much of myself,the pantera shirt and all those cds of bands like the who and tool.Metallica was one of the first bands i got into in middle school.How could the person who did this to her live with such guilt haunting him every day? I wish I was there with her at that concert so nothing would of happened to her.
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The Band Perry - If I Die Young
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NJqUN9TClM
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Does this family not have any videotapes of Morgan? Why is listening to her digital voice such a big deal? Also, it's kind of creepy...
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There's nothing creepy about wanting to hear a lost loved one's voice one more time.
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There is when you see how hung up this family is on Morgan. Her brother sleeps in her old bed to "feel closer to her". If that doesn't bring up thoughts of incest, I don't know what does.
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Unfortunate typo: reigns instead of reins. Particularly for a story with such poignancy, typos can be a terrible distraction.
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I think the gothic-poetry-style descriptions are what distracted me from what little substance this article had. "Morgan’s murder has become her parent’s haunting reality — the norm." All of this talk about "pain" and "sadness", etc. It's like it was written by a goth girl trying to show how deep she is.
Stop trying to impress people with a flood of imagery. It's supposed to be a news article. Report on the news. It's not a novel.
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its supposed to be a features article..
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Oh, so because it's a features article it should be written like a trashy romance novel? Get real, it's in the newspaper and on the front page. It should be written as though the author had some semblance of journalism experience.
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Oh, so because it's a features article it should be written like a trashy romance novel? Get real, it's in the newspaper and on the front page. It should be written as though the author had some semblance of journalism experience.
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sorry, didnt realize that writing for the purpose of affecting readers was so uncouth.
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The only effect her word-choice gave me was the urge to vomit. If I wanted to read awful writing, I'd read Twilight.
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God Bless the Harrington's,the grace and strength they have exhibited is a testament to their beautiful daughter Morgan. I am praying for justice for Morgan.
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They say that it's a "private matter", but every week there's a new article about them doing something in the name of their daughter. It sounds like they want more attention than their daughter back, imo.
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I don't think they're giving interviews and publicizing their grief as a way to garner fame for their own purposes...I think that they want to publicize the injustice of Morgan's murder and to keep it relevant in the press so that anyone with clues or evidence may step forward and also so that others may be aware of the suspect's description. I think they want people to see that this world is not necessarily a safe and harmonious place; violence against women does occur. Obviously they want Morgan back; their actions (e.g., listening to her voicemail) and words are a testament to that. However, they seem to be grounded in reality--they know there's nothing they can do to bring her back, so they are coping with their loss and trying to make something good come out of it. You have no right to judge them. I applaud them for speaking openly about their grief and for channeling it into actions meant to benefit others. There are no precedents for how to proceed in their situation, but it seems to me that the Harringtons are doing the best they can given the tragic hand they've been dealt.
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I don't think they're giving interviews and publicizing their grief as a way to garner fame for their own purposes...I think that they want to publicize the injustice of Morgan's murder and to keep it relevant in the press so that anyone with clues or evidence may step forward and also so that others may be aware of the suspect's description. I think they want people to see that this world is not necessarily a safe and harmonious place; violence against women does occur. Obviously they want Morgan back; their actions (e.g., listening to her voicemail) and words are a testament to that. However, they seem to be grounded in reality--they know there's nothing they can do to bring her back, so they are coping with their loss and trying to make something good come out of it. You have no right to judge them. I applaud them for speaking openly about their grief and for channeling it into actions meant to benefit others. There are no precedents for how to proceed in their situation, but it seems to me that the Harringtons are doing the best they can given the tragic hand they've been dealt.
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"I think that they want to publicize the injustice of Morgan's murder and to keep it relevant in the press... "
Right, because having over a year and a half of consistent coverage on one person isn't "relevant in the press". She's had more consistent coverage than some celebrities.
"I think they want people to see that this world is not necessarily a safe and harmonious place; violence against women does occur."
If they don't think that 100% of people already realize this, then they're idiots. Everyone knows the world is dangerous. And violence occurs against men more than women, by the way.
"However, they seem to be grounded in reality--they know there's nothing they can do to bring her back, so they are coping with their loss and trying to make something good come out of it."
Her brother "sleeping in her bed to be closer to her" is not "grounded in reality". It's grounded in creepiness.
"You have no right to judge them."
I have every right to judge them.
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"I applaud them for speaking openly about their grief and for channeling it into actions meant to benefit others."
How does their attention-seeking benefit others?
"There are no precedents for how to proceed in their situation, but it seems to me that the Harringtons are doing the best they can given the tragic hand they've been dealt."
Nobody's ever lost a child before? Three of my family members have. Ask them. It happens. It's life. The Harringtons lived in a bubble and it popped and they're freaking out now.
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"Nobody's ever lost a child before? Three of my family members have. Ask them. It happens. It's life. The Harringtons lived in a bubble and it popped and they're freaking out now."
I guess I live in a bubble as well because if my child met an equally violent end, I'd also be "freaking out" and inconsolable. They are within their rights to grieve. When I said that there were no precedents as to how to proceed in their situation, I meant that there is no script for people to follow when they've lost someone. Some people are quick to recover, while others never get over it. People deal with things in different ways.
It was easy to discern what this article would be about just from looking at the title. If you already knew that you disagreed with the Harrington family's way of coping, then why did you bother to read the article? You also had to know that most commenters would be posting messages of sympathy and that your opinion would not be received well. It really seems like you set out to further infuriate yourself and cause controversy. In the future, I suggest avoiding articles that feature Morgan's parents if you know they will set you off. Seeking out anger-inducing things when they could easily be ignored will only make you a (more) bitter person. Quit trolling the Internets!!1!
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Morgan was blessed to have parents and brother who cared so much. When my mother died, I slept in her bed for a long time. Obviously, in an effort to be as close as possible. When my daughter moved to her own apartment, I often slept in her bed because I missed her so much. I might not have thought of it except that George Burns (deceased actor) admitted that he, also, slept in his deceased wife's bed after she died (Gracie Allen). FYI, it's not so unusual. I heard of a child asking for a piece of his mother's clothing to sleep with after she died. We each grieve differently.
God Bless the Harringtons.
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My heart goes out to the Harrington's as much today as when we all first began to know & care about their beautiful daughter Morgan through the news, through her parents Dan & Gil. I cried reading that they still call Morgan's cell phone to hear her voice. Not tears of sympathy , but tears of empathy that will always flow because I am also a mother & know how my heart would hurt for my own . As a mother , my heart hurts for Dan as a father & Gil as a Mother. For lovely people I have never met face to face , but long for them to have some peace back into their lives one day . That day will come .
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Why would you care about some girl just because she died? Do you weep for every single article you read about a person being murdered? Morgan was a non-entity to everyone until the CT decided to write about her every single week.
How about the girl who got her head cut off a year ago? Or the two campers who got shot in the woods? I haven't seen a SINGLE article about them (except during the week that they were "hot news").
Stop crying over a girl just because people say you should. She never did anything remarkable.
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You haven't seen a single article about those two because both families will probably not respond to the media, which is what usually happens in those situations. The Harringtons wanted to tell their story the way it is and not the way other media sources have been portraying them. I think the author did an incredible job telling their story and comparing this to other articles I've seen this writer is the first to really listen to them and transcribe their story the right way.
You need a serious reality check. If you've ever lost anyone really close to you, you would have really appreciated this article. Also if you don't like sympathizing for families that have lost a loved one then maybe you shouldn't be reading a publication from Virginia Tech, a school very sensitive to tragedy.
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The Harringtons have not told us anything different from what the other three dozen articles have said about Morgan. There is NOTHING new here.
And I've lost plenty of family members, so I know what loss is like, thanks. But I didn't go crying to the newspapers to get my share of the spotlight. I grieved privately, and I still miss them. But I don't go around telling everyone how much I miss them and how I'll never get over their passing.
It's called growing up and moving on. We've done it for thousands of years. You'd think that two adults could do the same.
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I feel bad for her family, but after reading about this horrible story and watching the version on ID tv, I have come to this conclusion::: Out of stupidity she caused her own untimely death. WHY did she go out the concert exits, when they clearly stated she could not get back in? Did she smoke and needed to go out for that reason? Once she got outside and knew she was in TROUBLE....not being able to return to her friends..WHY not ask them to come out so they all could LEAVE TOGETHER? This whole story is crazy. Her parents say she was such a wonderful girl but what sound thinking young woman does this? (LEAVES HER CAR AND FRIENDS BEHIND AND WALKS INTO TROUBLE?) Why would her inconsiderate friends let her HITCHHIKE home? They are partly to blame also. BUT I guess they did not want to leave a silly concert to make sure their friend was safe. WHY were these other two girls not on the show? Like I said, I feel bad for her family, but this never would have happened if she was responsible for her own actions. May they find the killer before he strikes again.
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I have followed this case since the day her disappearance made news here in Virginia. This is a tragedy. I hope this lovely family gets the answers they need when an arrest takes place. I really feel for them as they grieve.
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"... as they grieve". Seems more to me like they're exploiting the "tragedy" for the sake of attention. They call it a "private matter", but they're in the news every week.
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Please everyone , pray and pray so this criminal gets arrested.
Bless you Morgan. Also people from Dubai here wants this justice:)
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Yes, continue praying, instead of actually helping to solve the problem.
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Yes, continue trolling an article about a fallen Hokie, because this is a completely appropriate place for you to make smug comments about religion.
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Oh, and it IS a place for people to solicit others? Asking people to pray for someone is no different than telling people that praying for others is a waste of time.
If you actually cared about Morgan, you wouldn't waste your time kneeling and talking to the sky. You'd actually try to prevent something like this from happening again.
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It's completely different. If someone finds comfort in the belief in god during a traumatic time in their life, then why begrudge them that? One's trying to offer comfort, and you're just trolling. And don't try to say you're not. It really shows your intentions when you initially go through here and reply to almost every single comment within the span of about 10 minutes with something hostile.
I don't believe in god either, but I'm not gonna go around telling people that their beliefs and practices are wastes of time.
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There's trolling for the sake of trolling, and then there's trolling for a just cause. I'm in the latter. This girl deserve no media attention and I'm sick of it. When you call someone who dies in a tragedy a "hero", it depreciates the value of the label "hero", because you gave it away for no reason. When you give a degree away to someone who didn't earn it, it makes MY degree less valuable.
Also, as far as the praying comment, I've seen too many people in my life pray for things to get better instead of actually getting out of their chairs and doing something about it (and related to the first paragraph, attributing a successful operation to prayer and not the doctor who spent over a decade of his life learning to do what he did, insults the hard work of the doctor).
Everything I do has a reason behind it, even if my means are offensive to others. But at least I get your attention, so more people will see the point I'm trying to make.
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No posthumous degree will take anything away from YOUR degree. No employer is going to consider someone got a posthumous degree and will be USING it. The biggest points you are making are that you seem very bitter and for some reason you really, really attached yourself to this case in a negative way. Why waste your time? People see your posts, but they also see that you are attacking someone who cannot reply.
The Harringtons have fought for advances in Familial DNA use. They have HELPED families of other missing or deceased who might benefit from its use. I personally have seen that they helped others with missing relatives start their own websites to find their loved ones. You may not like them. You may not like hearing about Morgan. But you have to respect the fact that through the press on this case they helped missing persons’ cases in Virginia with these advances. It is about more than simply getting press about their daughter.
I don’t know this family personally. I am an avid reader though. And I can see things for what they are. I am sure others can, too, “Anonymous.” At least her parents are trying to help others and not just complaining about something they can CHOOSE not to read.
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"No posthumous degree will take anything away from YOUR degree."
It takes away from its intrinsic value. It's the principle of the matter. Get over it.
"People see your posts, but they also see that you are attacking someone who cannot reply."
I am attacking Morgan's family and the CT. They can both reply.
"The Harringtons have fought for advances in Familial DNA use. They have HELPED families of other missing or deceased who might benefit from its use. I personally have seen that they helped others with missing relatives start their own websites to find their loved ones. You may not like them. You may not like hearing about Morgan. But you have to respect the fact that through the press on this case they helped missing persons’ cases in Virginia with these advances. It is about more than simply getting press about their daughter."
Doing those things they did is GREAT. Moping about Morgan being gone is NOT newsworthy.
"I don’t know this family personally. I am an avid reader though. And I can see things for what they are. I am sure others can, too, “Anonymous.” At least her parents are trying to help others and not just complaining about something they can CHOOSE not to read. "
And you can choose to not read or reply to my posts, just like anyone else. Your point?
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Obviously you have a lot more invested in what seems to be holding onto hatred and bitterness than I do. I gave it a shot; if you have to ask what my point was, you’ll never get it. Go ahead and complain to the world, like I said, most people generally see things for what they are. Your last reply gave me my laugh for the day. Enjoy simmering – life’s too short for me hold on to the anger necessary to give you any more attention.
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I hope Morgan's parents do not read some of the terrible insensitive comments posted on the site. I lost my father a year ago this week to natural causes, my family and I all have different individual way to mourn our loss. Please do not leave insensitive comments that could prove hurtful to her parents who continue to mourn her. Her family cannot conform to behavior and expectations of some of the comments left by total strangers. Please folks restrain yourself when posting insensitive comments.
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Today I was able to view the missing person show that talked about Morgan. This impacted me so much because I have two daughters of my own. I do not understand why these things happen but they are very scarry to me. However in stating my feeling I must say "I was touched so much by Morgan's parents and how strong you are" You have no idea what peace you showed to have even in your trying moments. I know that both of you are guided by our lord "Jesus" I hope you find the animal that did this to your daughter and hopefully he will get his own someday if not on this earth. He will be faced with Jesus on his dying days. Nothing last forever and none of us are immortal. He or they will pay for what they have done. To Morgans parents " I am so sorry for your loss" but I also want to thank you for allowing us to view your tragedy. I was with my 19 year old daughter who went to a concert this past weekend in San Diego and I made her watch this show with me. Morgan seemed to be very beautiful inside and out and with her tragedy she is helping countless families understand what a cruel world we live in. Thank you Harrington family!
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Shame on those of you that could ridicule this article. I don't care if you are the most ignorant person in the world, you should have a little more respect for other people. That being said, God be with this poor girl's family. God only knows what I would do to hear my child's voice if anything ever happened to him.
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I just heard of this story this morning on ID Investigation channel. My heart goes out to the parents, and shame on the person that stated she caused her own death sad when you can't walk freely in this country without some vicious sick minded individual taking you. I feel the security at this concert is responsible for the no re enter rule. Especially when there are so many young girls there where those sick men are just scoping the place out. I just feel bad that she didn't call her parents but I guess you can live on what ifs and nothing will change this tragedy. I worry about my daughter everyday but I just can't imagine what her parents went and are still going through. you can't unless you have gone through the same situation. And yes get as much media as you can to stop this from happening to other young girls. So unfair. You wonder what gives someone the right to take anothers life. I think they should have stiffer penalties for crimes. Think more of the victims than freeing the guilty eye for an eye. I hope the person who has taken this lovely girls life rots in hell. Karma will get him in the end I'm sure
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