Collegiate Times

Image: 2011-12-01 22:20:54

He said

Well, Thanksgiving break is in the books. I don’t know if I indulged more in sleep or calories this break. Either way I can say it’s good to be back, minus the fact finals are looming, tests and group projects are accruing more than David Wilson’s football stats and Christmas is mere weeks away.

Whoa, slow down, Dane. How is that a bad thing? Christmas is clearly the best time of the year. I mean, have you seen the movie “Elf”? Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas as much as everyone, but ever since I’ve reached the age that I actually have to purchase gifts for others — especially females — it kind of stresses me out. So I went out and asked girls what they would like this Christmas to help out all the men out there who, like me, are struggling to please the ladies in their lives.

The first situation you gentlemen may find yourself in is trying to buy for your girlfriend. Now you must be extra careful in this case. Go too cheap or too lame and she may kick you out for lack of effort. Go too big and she may fear you to be a “stage-five clinger” and run you out. You have a couple options here.

My friend Mykenzie said, “Well if he was my boyfriend, I’d tell him to suck it up and buy me jewelry.” Upon further investigation I discovered that the five to six month mark was the cutoff for nice jewelry $50 and up. Anything under that timeframe, stick with a pair of earrings in the $20 range. I know Beyoncé said to put a ring on it, but multiple girls said this was a big “no.” Save the ring for marriage, boys.

Jewelry isn’t your only option. Scarves were another common answer. My reasoning is this: Girls love clothes. However, if you try to get her something that needs to fit, you run the risk of accidentally calling her fat by getting something a size too big. That won’t go over too well.

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A version of this article appeared in the Dec 2 issue of the Collegiate Times.