Review: Mockery of monarchy
It tramples and sullies the scandalous legend of Henry VIII, and if audiences can fight off sleep, they will only be convinced that sometimes history's myths and rumors should be mercifully left alone.
American beauties Scarlett Johansson (Mary Boleyn, the younger sister) and Natalie Portman (Anne Boleyn, the older), and Aussie brut Eric Bana (Henry VIII) play the leading trio in England's most sultry tale of sexual manipulation. Based on Philippa Gregory's historical novel of the same name, this treatment of the Tudors attempts to do what the title suggests by showing the life of the Boleyn girl who kept her head.
Mary has just married William Carey but because the Queen cannot produce a male heir, the lusty prerogative of Henry decides to look elsewhere, which incidentally happens to be the Boleyn estate in the country. Henry becomes quite taken with Mary, and therefore summons all of the Boleyns to court for the ease of his sexual whims.
The film makes the Boleyns looks like the dumbest family in England, as Sir Thomas (Mark Rylance), the meek father, wears the same blank cow-like stare throughout the movie, whether he's pushing his daughters into the arms of the king, or watching his manipulations blow up in his face. Lady Elizabeth suspects her family's downfall, but alas, is only a woman and cannot possibly know anything.
We all know how this story ends, though, and "The Other Boleyn Girl" doesn't offer even an exciting retelling of history, not to mention anything new. The story of Anne Boleyn is reduced to a cheesy soap opera by a script so poor "phoned-in" would be a compliment. Greed, ambition, lust, incest, all delivered needlessly and unconvincingly. It's as though two of the most gifted and beautiful actresses in Hollywood are putting on the most elaborate of school plays. Too bad Shakespeare isn't born for another 25 years.
While the costume-design is on par with the best period pieces, the film's cinematography hides everything. The shots are all shadows against darkness, and Portman and Johansson simply cannot shine through. The only thing that prevails is their cleavage, which you'll find yourself staring at not for the obvious reasons, but because it's the only thing visible.
Perhaps "The Other Boleyn Girl" could have succeeded in an era before women had the right to vote or any sense of equality. Everyone knows 16th century England was a man's world, but a film such as "Elizabeth" was advanced enough to show a strong woman struggling in a man's position. This film is a regression, and for a title suggesting a female focus, it seems timidly simple to see a woman's only means of advancement lying between her legs.
There are only glimpses of the talent that has pushed Portman and Johansson to the top of their class. The childish script binds them and forces them into a sibling feud seemingly over little more than who gets to have sex with Henry. They both claim love but their clear ambitious lust sets the film back even further. Director Justin Chadwick boils the most divisive period in English history down to a case of royal blue-balls. Bana, as the largest character in this melodrama, has maybe 20 lines and delivers them all with an inexplicably snarling expression of constipation and unrest. It appears nice to be the king, though, as Bana can invite the lass of his choosing into his bedchamber without any of the uncomfortable guilt associated with adultery.
The one attempt at a serious portrayal of the story is the film's reverent treatment of how monumental England's split with the Catholic Church actually was, but everything else is a cowardly dance between something so bad it could be a parody and something so unfortunately self-assured it invites parody.
This study in uninteresting mediocrity ends with a hopeful nod to the most famous Tudor of all, as a tiny Elizabeth trounces through a meadow. The only way this film could succeed was if Cate Blanchett had honed her portrayal of Elizabeth so finely that she was actually the red-headed toddler.
