Collegiate Times

Image: 2012-09-12 22:11:05

As pretty much everyone is aware of at this point, what Christopher Nolan has done with the Batman franchise over the last seven years is absolutely stunning.

All three movies — Batman Begins, The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises — were cinematic masterpieces with the trilogy atop many people’s list of best ever (including mine).

Nolan has said he’s done with Batman and has become a director that didn’t ruin greatness by prolonging it past its expiration date for a few bucks. See Lucas/Speilberg and Indiana Jones.

Unfortunately, because of the way Hollywood works, in about 20 years, Warner Brothers will undoubtedly reboot the series to make another billion dollars or so, and I sure as hell don’t envy the poor soul it decides to hand the responsibility to.

It will be a train wreck people will compare to Superman Returns because of expectations alone.

I bring up the scenario because I find myself in a similar situation — trying to replace Andrew "Wryly Reilly." I volunteered to step into the spot (with his blessing), but I still feel like I'm just like whoever is tapped on the shoulder to make the next Batman. Expecatations are a little lofty; wish us both luck.

Last year, I started reading Reilly’s columns and thought I wasn’t a far cry from him as far as the topics he wrote about. But honestly, on a good day, I’m a poor-man’s version of Wryly Reilly. Editing his columns, I usually went through an inner dialogue that went something like this:

“He really doesn’t like Newt Gingrich, does he? … This is good, but I bet I could write this … Wait, what is a ‘braggadocio?’ I’m calling shenanigans. There’s no way that’s actually a word.”

It was always a word. His vocabulary surpasses mine. 

But enough about the past; here’s my attempt at my spin off of “Wryly Reilly,” and I’ll start by looking at something that used to be one of the small reasons summer being over is a good thing, but is no longer: the fall TV schedule.

Over the last decade, it seems networks have transitioned from at least trying to produce quality dramas and sitcoms to focus on reality television — a trend I believe is the sole cause of the decline of America. It isn’t a $1 trillion debt (or whatever it is now), it isn’t Obama or Romney and it isn’t China. It’s Snooki.

The fact Snooki actually wrote a book is beyond belief for me, because I’m only 17 percent kidding when I say I legitimately thought she was illiterate. And even though it didn’t sell very well, the fact she gets to say she’s an author kills me inside.

By the way, what was the marketing research that said her book was a good idea? Someone should have sat back and said, “Hmm … I feel like the only people interested in what Snooki has to say are more likely to use it as a free weight than to actually read it.”

Yes, the Jersey Shore is finally over, but the damage has been done. By the end of the first season, I found myself feeling bad for people from New Jersey — something that hasn’t happened ever.

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A version of this article appeared in the Sep 13 issue of the Collegiate Times.