He said: Dress appropriately with layers
I have a love-hate relationship with Blacksburg weather. Always surprising and shifty like a jungle cat, I love to live life on the edge, and the conditions in Blacksburg are always an adventure.
Every fall and spring, waking up is filled with wonderment. Will the rain continue until you consider building an ark and gathering two of each neighborhood animal? Will it be 80 degrees in mid-November? One never knows. What I do know however, is that when the cold hands of Mother Nature descend upon the Burg, they come with a vengeance and are here to stay. The question remains unanswered as to why people respond to the frosty weather in the ways they do. But it is a fact that cold weather conditions never fail to cause people to dress in alien fashions, which I do not understand. So, in the style of David Letterman, here is my top five list of dumb winter weather apparel.
5. Thin Virginia Tech sweatshirts: I know that at least 50 percent of college students seem to own the classic JanSport sweatshirt in maroon, gray or orange with Virginia Tech stamped boldly on the front.
Though these are a great asset for those not-quite-cold-only-slightly-chilly fall days, midwinter they allow the icy tundra Drillfield winds to cut through you like a knife through butter. Fashion must take a backseat to warmth, no matter how much the Hokie spirit has come upon you.
4. Shorts: It’s negative 13 degrees outside. You may want to have feeling in your legs in the next week or so.
3. Ugg boots: They look like elephant feet. Don’t act like you don’t see it. Although I have never worn MUggs (Man Uggs) and cannot attest to how warm or comfortable they are, I do have eyes and can see that they are solely composed of cotton balls and recycled yoga mats. Blacksburg winters guarantee precipitation on the reg, and these boots clearly cannot stand up to the demands, which the lakes of sidewalk slush make daily.
2. Pajama bottoms: Flimsy and unflattering, this fashion faux pas leads to nowhere but despair for the wearer and onlookers during the harsh winter months. I was a freshman once, and the temptation to wake up three minutes before class, slip on shoes and go, is one I can relate with.
However, with experience comes wisdom, and I can confirm that these comfy monsters do little to negate the wind, rain or ridgelines of the nether regions. Heed this advice and turn away from the appeal fellas. You’ll thank me later.
1. Yoga pants/leggings: These are the most unrealistic clothing item that any college student has ever dared to wear in Blacksburg winters. Now, speaking from familiarity, there isn’t anything nicer than a set of Under Armour heat gear to keep everything “down below” warm and cozy. But I can promise that there is always a layer safely on top of these conforming insulators.
Girl leggings and yoga pants are a different story. Constructed without considering things like warmth, effectiveness or decency, there is no chance that the millimeter of fabric stretched over the southern hemisphere of your body is providing any protection from the wind or the carnivorous eyes of your male classmates.
What do I recommend, you ask? Layers. There’s hardly a worse feeling than walking from frigid conditions into a classroom that has been conserving heat since last June. You do not want to be in McBryde at 9 a.m. pouring sweat because of your thick woolen sweater. Layers are the answer. Shed 'em when you don’t need 'em, use 'em when you do. Take a page out of Shrek’s book and consider the majestic onion.
At the end of the day however, I am no fashion or heat transfer expert — just a simple man trying to stay as warm as possible. As winter arrives, wear what you want. You’re all intelligent adults and can decide what garment will or will not prevent you from having frostbite come evening.