Collegiate Times

Image: 2012-10-04 20:24:09

She said: An ode to fall's stepchildren

Top-ten list of the most under appreciated, yet awesome things about fall:

 1. Eastern Standard Time. There are few things I appreciate more then saying goodbye to the long, drawn out days of summer. If it gets dark by 4:30 p.m., no one makes fun of you for going to bed by 9 p.m. Most of the time they don't even notice, and I can maintain my grandma sleeping habits without fear of social retribution.

 2. Fleece-lined tights. I start wearing these babies as soon as the temperature drops below a 60 degree high.  They let me look reasonably hip and fashionable while still catering to my actual desire to dress like an aging pilgrim and only shave my legs every other week.

 3. Squash. Pumpkins seem to get all the attention. Once we hit Sept. 22, every variety of food imaginable is suddenly sold in a "limited-time-only" pumpkin flavor. Well I say keep your strangely colored beer and syrupy orange lattes; I'll be munching on some perfectly roasted and wonderfully underpriced butternut squash like a true fall enthusiast.

 4. Dragon breath. Because I'm still five and enjoy pretending to be a dragon, I can soak up the moments when my breath fogs up.

 5. Wool socks. These are the greatest things I've ever stolen from my grandpa's closet. They fit perfectly under my boots so no one has to know that when I'm rocking my four-inch patent pleather cat woman kicks to parties every weekend that my feet are actually wrapped in a cloud of blissful gray fabric (See also "fleece-lined tights").

 6. The common cold. It's a built-in excuse not to go to class, with symptoms that are not only impossible to verify, but extremely easy to fake. Give a few good sniffles while you're explaining to your professor why you've missed the last three reading assignments and you're off scott free. This also becomes useful when people begin to question your ridiculously early bedtime.

 7. Goodwill sweaters. Except around Halloween and tacky Christmas sweater party time, the sweater rack at the Blacksburg Goodwill remains wonderfully unpillaged. Go on an afternoon, try on the more ridiculous options and take pictures with your friends. Then go home and wash the smell of old basement off of them. Suddenly, you have a new one-of-a-kind addition to your wardrobe.

 8. On-sale Halloween candy. One of those giant variety bags will get me through a week's worth of reading and papers, and only sets my wallet back five bucks. What more could a girl ask for.

 9. The first frost. Since I don't have a car, the first frost brings nothing but mass insect specicide and an overabundance of dragon breath. Few things could actually make me happier.

 10. Pre-mature Christmas decorations. Nothing says, "Let's celebrate the over-commercialized season at hand" like looking forward to the next one.

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A version of this article appeared in the Oct 5 issue of the Collegiate Times.