Collegiate Times

Image: 2012-11-29 21:20:58

He said:

Whenever I go shopping, my collar starts to itch.

I’m not positive when it started or even why, but if I’m in a situation where I can’t just run into a store to grab what I need and leave, it happens. And it’s super uncomfortable — and sweaty.

My running theory is that I was conditioned to be allergic to long shopping trips. When I was little, my mother and sister would take me to the mall with them almost every weekend. They wouldn’t just go for an hour or two like normal people either. I’m talking six-to-seven-hour shopping marathons.

I, as the son and younger brother, would be their baggage donkey, dutifully toting around bags from JC Penny and finding chairs wherever they were located outside dressing rooms.

It’s no wonder why I still have a stigma about going shopping. Thankfully, this is really only a problem during the holiday season.

Black Friday, for instance, seems like a small form of torture. I don’t know if those extra 100 bucks you save are worth taking off work for three days to sleep on the dirty sidewalk of a Best Buy.

Even after Black Friday, radio ads, commercials and magazines are all reminding me of the inevitable: there are only 25 shopping days until Christmas, and you need to get in the game. 

Living in Blacksburg, we’re lucky to be around one of the largest shopping meccas on the East Coast. That’s right: Christiansburg.

The NRV mall is so expansive that you can get lost in it and not even realize it. Every top-of-the-line store is there, so there’s really no need to go anywhere else. Also, it’s right across from the NRV Superbowl, the classiest bowling alley in the world. Need to take a break from shopping? You know where to go.

But if you’re like me and you dislike shopping, then even the wonders of the NRV Mall turn to ash in your mouth. Just when I was filled with disappointment, preparing myself to face the hordes of shoppers in the mall, I heard a term that changed everything: Cyber Monday.

The Monday following Black Friday is one of the most glorious days of the year. No hassle. No waiting in lines. You just get on your computer, go to Amazon and find deals on stuff that wasn’t on sale the day before. Then, you order it and bada-bing bada-boom, you’ve gotten all the gifts you needed to get.

Be warned however, this is a dangerous game. With Amazon’s One-Click shopping you could spend hundreds of dollars without even realizing it — a dangerous game indeed. Even without Cyber Monday, the world of online shopping, previously known to me only as a curse spat by my sister, is awesome. You can find whatever you need, and normally for pretty good prices.

So, whether you’re a fashion aficionado or a schmuck who has never heard of style, rejoice. No longer will hours of shopping fill your days. Instead, with a quick Google search and a credit card, you can shop to your heart's content.

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A version of this article appeared in the Nov 30 issue of the Collegiate Times.