Collegiate Times

Image: 2013-03-06 22:12:21

Ah, spring break — where we get a week to celebrate how the weather has finally changed for the better.

Going home involves bringing back that winter jacket and unpacking those pastel colored shorts that make you look like an Easter egg.

It’s magical — or at least that’s what it’s supposed to be. Instead, we kick off spring break this year by complaining about the snow we didn’t get.

I love snow as much as anyone, especially when I get off school — actually, that’s a lie. I hate snow; I usually end up getting trapped in my room for days because we have still yet to put tanks treads or a snowplow on my wheelchair — but the fact that we were expecting snow the days before break, shows how terribly placed our “spring” break is.

It’s so absurdly early that I overheard someone in my class talking about how he was going to Nags Head, N.C. for break, but it was going to be freezing.

North Carolina shouldn’t be cold on spring break and it should be against federal law to have spring break before the first official day of spring.

As it stands now, people essentially have to go so far south to escape the cold, they are at risk of catching Communism from Cuba.

(Warning: if any of your friends come back from Key West with a Fidel Castro-like beard, spouting off about the evils of capitalism, tie him up with an American flag and put the Star Spangled Banner on full blast until he comes to his senses.)

Perhaps my friend Chris has it right by going to Canada; at least he’s embracing how cold it is.

But while I’m not pleased that break is so early, my real beef is with a certain oversized rodent that predicted warm weather would come early this year: Puxsutawney Phil.

Simply put, Phil got us all excited about an early spring, which, considering how warm December felt, actually made sense.

It was an evil conspiracy by Phil and his evil wench mistress Mother Nature.

Mr. Groundhog’s Day himself should be shaved and forced to live in the “spring” weather he predicted. I mean, it’s colder now than it was during winter break.

Not since a certain groundhog pestered Bill Murray at Bushwood Country Club have I held so much enmity for the species.

Speaking of another Murray movie, “Groundhog’s Day” is actually a pretty good analogy for the weather right now.

It’s dreary, depressing and cold. Even worse, we wake up every morning, and it looks just about the same as the day before; the weather is about 30-to-40 degrees, partly cloudy and a 50 percent chance of rain, with the 50 percent indicative of whether or not you remembered to bring your raincoat/umbrella that day.

It’ll end eventually, but only when we’ve pretty much abandoned all hope of it ever happening.

Bleaksburg at its finest.

So while I’ll be spending my “spring break” in New York City with my dad watching basketball, I’ll be waiting for the real spring break — the one that actually brings the flowers, birds chirping and warm weather.

Because with that, I get the best benefit of all: a less miserable walk home from downtown.

A version of this article appeared in the Mar 7 issue of the Collegiate Times.