Collegiate Times

He Said While the ritual of men purchasing drinks for women has its negative aspects, (chauvinism, perpetuating gender roles, swift decrease in bank account, etc), it is a time-honored tradition and an easy way to start a conversation with an otherwise unapproachable female. A strapping young lad desiring the company of a fine young lass has only so many options to start a conversation with her in a room full of strangers. He could enter the room loudly, drawing immediate attention to himself and perhaps, if he is charming enough, convert the scorn of the women in the bar to relative interest. This option is difficult though, because most men who consider themselves charming are the ones that women look at like a rodent: a surplus of body hair, occasionally cute, but still preferably avoided. A man could also simply go up and begin conversation with a random female that he finds attractive. But whoever does this would have to be immediately funny and immediately attractive to the woman he addresses in order to be successful. Again, men who think they?re witty are normally not. In fact, if you don?t have a script written out and memorized even before attempting this daring maneuver, then your ship is as good as sunk, Sergeant Seduction. Of course, all of these options require a room full of women with whom the lad has had no prior experience. Even a small group of female acquaintances can mean the difference between success and embarrassment at the bars. Men should however, beware classroom connections as a basis for further contact. Just because a woman is in your class doesn?t mean that you?re set for the evening. There?s nothing more awkward than a sober conversation built off of congruent classroom experiences. ?Hey, aren?t you in my math class?? ?Yeah?hey?? ?Hey?so?do you like that class?? ?No, not really? ?Yeah, that class sucks? This exchange is followed by 30 to 60 seconds of awkward silence and several sips by both parties, in order to secure the death of the conversation. After a minute or so, one of the two will excuse themselves to the bathroom but actually retreat to the nearest exit. The only option left to a man without any acquaintances in the bar is to open his wallet and purchase his key into a conversation. We men are simple creatures. The whole tradition of men buying women drinks in order to meet them probably started when one of us thought ?hey, Tom Cruise bought that girl a drink in ?Top Gun? and they wound up on the highway to the danger zone? or something along those lines. In the same way, we men only understand simple answers like ?ok? or ?no thanks.? If a guy buys you a drink and you don?t want anything to do with him, decline the drink or accept it, thank him, pound it and leave. Don?t just go home with him because he bought you a drink. That hurts you and gives the guy an unwarranted amount of confidence, which hurts everyone. Until we find some other key to unlock the coveted ark of conversation, please be patient with us. At least you get free drinks. She Said When girls arrive at bars penniless, expecting, not just hoping, for their drinks to be bought for them, they might as well be wearing a shirt that says "I'm a conceited gold-digger.? I can understand the girl who only brings a few bucks, especially if she is lucky enough to have a boyfriend who buys drinks for her. But the girls who have no boyfriend or potential love interest and bring zero dollars to the bar are just asking to be called high-maintenance, arrogant, princesses. Are they really that self-absorbed that they feel comfortable letting men they wouldn?t otherwise glance at, spend their hard-earned money on drinks when they very well know, the only way they would go home with them is if they happened to live right next door and needed a free ride home on top of the free drinks? My solution to the issue of the girl who brings no money to the bars: don?t buy her anything, let her walk around sober the entire night and watch her head slowly deflate. Seriously, think about how funny it would be to see a girl who thinks she?s a Blacksburg celebrity walk around all night going from guy to guy trying to score some alcohol and being turned down time after time. It doesn?t mean you shouldn?t talk to her or even try to score her with conversation, god forbid. Just don?t cough up any money for someone who might just be after a drink. Chances are, guys, you wouldn?t want to be with this kind of girl anyway. Especially college guys. You?re probably just as broke as us girls are, so why would you be interested in a girl who has no problem spending the 30 dollars that your grandmother sent you in the mail this week for no other reason than the hope of a one night stand. A single girl already expecting to have expenses handled for her by strangers will probably turn out to be a real mooch in a relationship as well. You?ve all heard the line ?honey, can I have some money, I need to go shopping.? Well, guys if you?re looking for her, she?s out there, she?s the one at the bar wearing next to nothing, hanging on every poor soul that looks like they have enough money to get her drunk for the night. You can also find her by asking her things like what is five times six; you know you?ve found her if she answers 56. Times have changed, and although buying a drink for someone you?re interested in could be a gentlemanly gesture, buying a girl a drink, or all her drinks, to ensure yourself a one night stand is a losing game that will most likely only leave you with an empty wallet. This bar game has another side. It is also unfair for the girl who did bring money, but by accepting what she thought was a nice gesture from a guy, could be potentially obligated to go home with him in exchange for the $2.50 beer. There is no rule saying that a girl must go home with a guy because he bought her a drink, but unfortunately some men today believe they have a right to some bumpin? and grindin? in the sac in exchange for the 10 bucks he put up at the bar for your shot. Not exactly a fair trade. In my experience, unless I?m dating the guy buying my drinks, he is a good friend of mine, or if I was single and interested in the guy buying my drinks, I would simply turn down the offer and yes ladies, buy my own drinks. Turning down a drink from someone you know would rather be seen slipping and cladding down every last stair at the bar from top to bottom wearing a mini skirt than go home with is the right thing to do. In fact as I have recently heard straight from a guy?s mouth, guys need things to be as blunt as possible or they just won?t get it. So ladies, do yourselves a favor and bring at least $5 to the bar, and guys, find a new pick-up line, and maybe wait until a girl is sober before you make your move; sketchiness is not a fine quality in a man.