When I think of good TV shows, the theme song that first comes to mind goes a little something like this ... ?What ever happened to predictability. The milkman? The paperboy? Evening TV?? You remember the gang, Danny Tanner, Uncle Joey, and the dreamy John Stamos as Uncle Jessie. That?s right ? I?m talking about ?Full House.? Believe it or not, there were days when TV was good, quality entertainment. We all felt the popularity pains of Steve Urkel, or learned life lessons watching ?Growing Pains.? However, in 2006 I find myself seriously asking what happened to evening TV.
Here?s the dilemma. You?re sitting in your room and you grab the remote, hit the power button and there it is ? right in front of you, overwhelming you. What is it? It?s crap. It?s reality television.
Now don?t get me wrong ? I?ve watched my share of reality television shows, but I have to say this whole thing is getting out of control. First let?s state the obvious ? there is really nothing real about reality TV. The real world isn?t living in a trendy house with six other attractive co-eds willing to try anything once.
The real world isn?t living in a manor while 25 women fight over you, when all the while you hide the secret that you?re really not a millionaire but rather a potato farmer from Idaho with 43 cents in your bank account. The real world is certainly not a place where just by saying ?Next!? a horrible date can be over with, even though some of us might wish it was.
Maybe the real problem isn?t the actual reality TV shows, but the fact that we all watch them ? even plan our lives around them.
OK, so maybe not all of you are avid reality TV viewers, so perhaps I should share with you a few of the lowest reality shows I?ve encountered.
April 21, 2003 ? one woman took the chance of a lifetime to meet the man of her dreams while all of America watched in horror. ?Horror?? you ask. ?Why in horror?? Well, the show was called ?Mr. Personality,? and, understandably, it only aired for one season. The show was basically like ?The Bachelorette,? but with the twist that the men competing for the beautiful woman?s love were required to wear gargoyle-looking masks at all times. These men seriously were terrifying to watch. If I was the woman on the show the first thing I would say would be, ?Wait ... so you?re telling me I can?t see what this guy looks like? Peace, I?m out!?
Next is ?The Swan,? but if I had my way I?d call it ?Shallowfest.? Basically, I learned one important lesson from this show ? plastic surgery fixes all. One contestant might say, ?Well, I just have really low self-esteem and I?ve been left at the altar about three times now, but I?m pretty sure a nose-job and liposuction is going to fix everything.? I think the only part of this show that was worth watching was the reveal at the end where the woman who was once normal, but now has transformed into a body made entirely of silicone, is placed in front of a mirror, and you see her collapse to the ground as she gets the first look at her new face and screams ?YES! YES! I?m a beautiful swan!?
Lastly, we have maybe one of the oddest shows to ever appear on television. It was called ?He?s a Lady? and you can only imagine where I?m going with this one. Eleven men volunteered to be on a reality show that they thought was called ?All-American Man? but instead were set off on a journey where they had to leave behind their wives and girlfriends to compete for who could transform into the prettiest, sassiest and most convincing female. Oh yeah, that?s totally realistic.
I can just picture my dad saying to the producers, ?Wait, so you?re saying I get to wear heels all day? Oh, how fabulous!? We live in a sick world.
So where does this leave us? Sitting in front of our televisions waiting to see who gets the final rose or watching men fight over who looks better in pantyhose? I say it?s time to take a stand. Good television is out there, but we are all too stuck in a reality bubble to see it.
So you want a New Years resolution? How about finding a TV show that?s not reality and watching it. ?Arrested Development? is the funniest show I?ve ever seen, but sadly, it?s being cancelled because everyone has probably been watching reality shows instead of something truly magnificent. So do me a favor ? don?t let this year bring on the death of sitcoms.
