Collegiate Times

From a guy?s perspective, the idea of a girl working at Hooters or a strip club because she needs the money is a complicated issue.

Let?s say you?re perusing Main Street for some company. You?ve got your best shirt on (and by best I mean the one that wasn?t crumpled up on the floor, covered in a thin fungus that has yet been discovered by scientists, but currently thrives in your heap of dirty clothes). You?re wearing cologne (and by cologne I mean you used deodorant) and you?re ready to woo (meaning you just watched a stand-up comedian and are prepared to steal his jokes). You meet a girl at the bar and buy her a drink because you just forgot all of the jokes you memorized and are lost on how else to start a conversation. To your amazement, she responds and you two get to talking. She asks what you do.

?Oh, I work for the military.? By military, you mean the online army of Halo 2 and that the salary is negative $10/month. Whatever. You?ll tell her later.

?Wow, that sounds exciting.?

?Yeah, it sure is.?

?How come your hair is long??

?Um ? what do you do?? Nice. Way to dodge that bullet.

?Oh, I?m a stripper.?

Cue silence. Man looks flabbergasted. Woman sips drink.

The man in this situation isn?t offended nor is he necessarily bothered so much as he is overwhelmed with emotions. There are many advantages to this situation. She doesn?t have a problem being naked. Good. She knows how to dance. That?s hot. Her job is to keep men happy. That, too, is hot.

However, there are also many disadvantages to this situation. She gets naked in front of a bunch of other guys. Not good. She dances erotically in front of other guys. That is not hot. She is constantly surrounded by men who expect her to keep them happy. That, too, is not hot. As I?ve mentioned in previous columns, guys have unreasonable expectations for women. That being said, it?ll be a cold day in hell before these unreasonable expectations subside.

Men want Martha Stewart in public and Jenna Jameson in bed. A woman who is one or the other in both situations leaves a man a bit more reluctant. Strippers, Hooters waitresses, nude models ? these are the women men want behind closed doors.

Sure, we?ll stare in public, and at Hooters we?ll order the chicken breasts just to see what she does. But in reality, these aren?t the girls we want to date.

We?re territorial. When your girlfriend?s chest is dangling to and fro in front of a middle-aged man working on his second double scotch at two in the afternoon, then it becomes public property. We operate in the private sector. Rather than feeling a sense of pride at knowing that you are the only guy who gets to see this girl naked, you feel like just another customer.

That being said, there?s always another side to the story.

Women strip for different reasons. If a woman is attractive and needs money, exotic dancing and nude modeling are lucrative professions. A woman can make a whole lot of money and, basically, all she needs to do is show up. It?s a pretty sweet gig if you?re willing.

Still, I think there are probably other ways to make money and many of them probably won?t require you to be naked. Meaning, guys would be a bit more enthusiastic about dating you. But when it comes down to it, your job is your job and your decisions are your decisions. Do what you want to do. You should be judged on who you are, rather than what you do. If people want to look at you feel like they have you figured out, they?re probably not worth your time.

Anyway, if you do decide to strip, make sure you tell me. I have some friends who want to see. Not me though.

Seriously. It?s not me.