Collegiate Times

After a rather arduous bout with a month that straddled the broad line between Florida-esque warmth and Canadian tundra cold, it looks like spring has finally arrived. Or at least it?s supposed to be in the 60s from here on in. You never know though.

Spring is a season of many things including love, allergies, baseball, taxes, swimsuits, etc. As I mentioned before, it also means temperatures that aren?t so low that they?ll turn your nose red, which consequently means that less clothes will be worn by both sexes, which consequently means an almighty media push to make everybody realize that they aren?t thin enough to be out in public wearing shorts is right around the corner.

Hooray.

Awhile back there was a campaign for some watch company and the slogan was something like ?It?s your watch that says the most about who you are.? For example, people who wear Swatches are Swiss, people who wear Timex watches shop at Wal-Mart, and people who wear Rolexes are insecure. I don?t wear a watch, which must mean that I don?t really exist at all but am, instead, a force of nothingness floating around in an existential void without a sense of space or time.

Needless to say, I still don?t own a watch and, contrary to the ad, I still exist.

Just like the slogan above, advertisements for diet pills, gym memberships, diet plans, electric ab-toners, workout videos and everything in between will be equally ridiculous, although a bit more subtle than this one.

Now I?m mainly speaking to the girls here. Yes, guys might feel minor pressure to be fit but I think the media?s pressures on females are significantly more feasible. Guys are supposed to be kind of tall with some level of muscle definition, whereas girls are meant to have orange skin and to weigh so little that, when the wind blows, they are to be swept into the stratosphere and cast floating back to the earth like an autumn leaf. It?s a little different.

Now, there aren?t going to be any pills whose slogans are as brash as ?It?s your weight that says the most about who you are? or ?You?re fat ? Yes I?m talking about you ? no ? not her ? you?? but, in so many words, this is what all those experts are trying to get you to believe.

First off, consider the people selling these products. John Basedow? Does that guy look like he knows what he?s talking about? His head looks like it?s superimposed on his body in every commercial. It?s floating right around the tip of his neck and note that he?s always facing forward and his body?s always turned in some other direction. He has frosted tips. Does he look credible?

Secondly, most of these products that people sell you in order to lose weight are extraordinarily bad for you. No matter how often a magazine tells you that you have to be thin or no one?s going to like you and that you?re just going to die poor and lonely, it?s not worth it.

If you want to lose weight, that?s great, but do it safely. Do it because you want to be healthy. You?re not as fat as you think. You go to Virginia Tech where it?s a 10-minute walk just to go to class (even if you drive there). You exercise more than you think. Stay healthy. Eat Right. Go to the gym. Do pushups. It might take longer to lose weight than a belt that vibrates the fat off of your stomach, but it?ll do.

So for this spring, take it easy on the diet pills. You?re better looking than you think. And if you want to be thinner, be patient. Not only will you feel better after a while but you will have saved money that you would?ve spent on diet products; money you could use for a vacation which, as the march toward finals continues, could come in handy. Enjoy the weather out there.