Collegiate Times

The all-knowing Oprah always says that her key to losing weight and keeping trim is never eating anything past seven o?clock. Now I know you?re probably thinking that Oprah isn?t the most credible person to give diet advice, but then again, she is worth about a billion dollars, so maybe we shouldn?t be so quick to reject her advice. Before I lose you, I should clarify that this column isn?t going to be about Oprah, but rather something that us as college students at Virginia Tech have become quite accustomed to: late-night cravings.

The smell of extra cheese pizza reeks the air as you pass DXpress at 1:30 a.m., and you begin to wonder who would ever feel the need to consume it. Every time I walk by, a herd of people can be seen inhaling late-night pizzas, and it makes me think how much Oprah would disapprove.

Something I?ve learned is that if you want a late-night meal, on-campus probably isn?t the best way to go. However, if you voyage off campus you might be surprised what you can find open late. You?re probably thinking that I?m going to talk about sketchy pancake houses, but I won?t because Blacksburg has got some unique places of its own that deserve recommendation. Joe?s Diner, Jimmy Johns, 7-11 and Five Guys are among the faithful Blacksburg establishments that serve us great, even late.

However, the one thing that bothers me about late-night restaurants is when they promote themselves as always being there to depend on when your having a craving for something in particular, but when push comes to shove, they can?t deliver. Case in point: Joe?s Diner. Since my first year at college people always told me, ?You want a milkshake in the middle of the night? Go to Joe?s!? Then tell me why it is that every time I?ve gone there, the waitress politely says, ?I?m sorry we?re all out of milk.? How is it that an establishment located in a town in the middle of fields of cows can be void of enough milk to concoct one single milkshake? Come on, Joe?s ? I think I deserve one milkshake before I graduate.

When it comes to late-night food establishments downtown, I?ve realized that most of the fun in going out for a late-night treat with your friends isn?t the actual food that is consumed, but rather the entertainment that is found in watching our less coherent colleagues try to. Sitting in a booth at Jimmy Johns sometimes feels more like your sitting in the bleachers at the circus as the show begins. Wardrobe errors and malfunctions are among the most witnessed sights at a late-night hangout. I?d bet the Jimmy Johns cashier sees more exposure in one night than the rest of us. The only problem is when the sight of wardrobe mishaps ruins our appetite instead of purely providing us entertainment to go along with a meal.

Soberly watching people in downtown Blacksburg on a weekend night has shown me that intoxicated people can get pretty hungry and desperate for just about anything to eat. I learned this one time when some friends of mine and I sold cookies from the balcony of a downtown apartment on a Saturday night. It really is amazing; the smug grin that can appear across any somewhat intoxicated college student?s face when he hears the words, ?Cookies! Only twenty-five cents!? from a balcony above. I remember making $5 in profit that night.

When it comes to 7-11, it?s a whole different story. This is quite possibly the only place where you can buy a chili cheese dog, 3.2 liters of Slurpee and still manage to make a few friends in the parking lot on your way out. Honestly, I would love to meet someone who hasn?t ever had a memorable experience at a 7-11 parking lot. If you?ve ever had the pleasure of standing outside of a 7-11 right before midnight, you probably know what I?m talking about when I refer to the stampede of people trying to buy their alcohol before they stop selling. Judging by the way these people act, you?d think the world was coming to an end, and beer was all that?s needed to survive.

When it comes down to our late-night escapades, I think we all need to remember to always be courteous to the person serving us behind the counter. They?ve probably seen more rude customers, bare skin and cheap tips than any of us could ever know. Senior communication major and Five Guys employee, Elissa Adams, says, ?One time a drunk customer came in at 2 a.m. asking me when I got off work. If this guy spends his late nights at Five Guys, I don?t want to know where he would take a girl on a date.?

So I tell you all to be careful, wise and respectful the next time you?re having a late night craving. And the next time you make a fool of yourself at a restaurant downtown, just remember that there is probably someone like me in the booth next to you who pleads you for a source of entertainment.