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But it?s not just our chants. And it?s not just our cheers. It?s our astounding wit and profound humor as spectators that rings louder than any award could ever recognize.
The University of Virginia may hold their SAT scores over our heads, but here at Tech, our brilliance does not shine in standardized testing. No, we prefer to sharpen our intellects for the more important aspects of life ? mainly football. Once we take the stands, the words that pour out of our mouths are like poetry, our comments up to par with Poe and Shakespeare.
Here are some examples of the beautiful lyrics orated by Tech fans in Lane Stadium on any given game day:
?Come on Tech, score!? Genius. Pure unadulterated genius. When the football players hear this comment trickling down from spectators, they think, ?Hey, what a good idea. Who in the world could possibly construe such a plan?? Only the brainiacs of Tech, that?s who.
?You?ve got to pressure the quarterback, defense!? Wait a minute, did Bud Foster sneak into the stands? Oh no, that?s just loyal fans chipping in with some helpful advice for the defense. That?s why Tech?s defense is always highly ranked ? because of the expertise of the spectators. Practice, talent and Bud Foster all pale in comparison with the helpful hints provided by knowledgeable Tech fans.
?Offense can?t do it, so the defense has to score.? Well, this is just not very nice. But don?t fret, it?s a fake out. This recently-popularized cheer, new and improved for 2006, is only shouted when the offense makes mistakes. But you better believe that when Tech scores, the stands erupt and everyone assumes the role of the offensive line?s number one fan. This tricky little ditty really throws off the opponent.
?We want Ike.? No, no. That?s not what we really mean. We want Greg Boone. We want Greg Boone at every position. We want Greg Boone at every position by himself. Quarterback, receiver, defensive end, kicker and medical trainer. Greg Boone is all that is man.
?Yeah, we?re friends. He?s in my geology class.? The football players at Tech attend classes not only for wholesome academic enjoyment, but also to enhance parasocial relationships with the dedicated fans. In every 500-person geology class, the players actually sit amongst us mere peons, not to cheat, but to offer us bragging rights. I hate to say it, but if you can?t yell at a game that you sat next to a football player, you?re basically a nobody.
?He played against my high school.? All you Northern Virginian natives have a one-up on us out-of-staters in this category. And the importance of this is monumental at Tech. If a certain Hokie star competed against your high school (not against you specifically, just a high school you attended at some point, even if only for a day), you possess an almost-legendary status. We should all bow down in your presence. (On a similar note, if T.C. Williams is your high school or is in close proximity to your high school, your greatness is tripled. No one will ever remember the importance of Coach Boone or Gerry Bertier, but you will go down in the books. So please, mention this fact at least once every ten minutes.)
?Get off your knees ref, you?re blowing the game.? In Lane Stadium, we are innovators, the Einsteins of football cheers. This chant adds mature sexual innuendo to football. So clever. Referees don?t stand a chance if they decide to make a call against the Hokies. Not only do we create novel slogans, but a remarkable 49 percent of us can distinguish a good call from a bad one! Do we use this to our advantage? You bet. On any call, legit or bad, a chorus of ?bull---t? ensues. We make sure the refs think twice before throwing a flag against us.
?Make Noise.? In no way could we be the spectacular fans that we are without help from our beloved cheerleaders. I know I stay completely silent until I receive direction from our peppy leaders of cheer. Only when that pyramid of human bodies holds up the authoritative ?Make Noise? card do I open my mouth to yell. This enables us to time those aforementioned legendary cheers when they matter the most.
?Key play.? Most other football schools employ the key play solely on third downs. We dare to be different. At Tech, we elect a special few to break out their keys on third downs. And who are these honorable fans? As good sports, the uncultured freshman willingly and unknowingly comply. Lacking the appropriate cultivated football knowledge, freshmen excitedly pull out their freshly bought lanyards, complete with dorm keys, on every play of the game. This unheard of tactic throws the competition in a tizzy.
?Stick it in!? By far our best chant. A good one for all the kiddies. So, why wait until Tech hits the red zone to erupt in song? We should sing this number at all points of the field, especially this year as our appearances within scoring distance may be limited. Geniuses? Masterminds? Experts? Nope, we?re just your typical Virginia Tech football fans.
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