Collegiate Times

Let?s start with the subject of laundry. While some people think this arduous task requires a degree in rocket science, you are incorrect, and when I say incorrect, I mean lazy. If you don?t know how to do laundry, then I?m really not sure how you?re attending this university or any university for that matter.

Nothing is more disgusting than dirty bed sheets. So, what to do? Yes, buy dark navy blue or black sheets; they?ll hide the dirt ? perfect. No and no. Just because you do not see the dirt does not mean they?re not dirty. See, we have these five things called senses. One of the strongest of these five is the sense of smell. Nothing turns a girl off more than dirty, smelly sheets.

?Hey baby, come lay on the sheets I haven?t washed since school started.?

Yes, please, take me now.

Towels go along with sheets. What?s the point in taking a shower if you?re just going to dry yourself off with a gross old towel? The odor from a mildew-infested towel is much stronger than that of dirty sheets and is completely unsanitary. And no, Febreze cannot help you here.

I?ll give it to Collin Ferrell and Brad Pitt; their five o?clock shadows are definitely sexy. Unfortunately, just because you?re male doesn?t mean you maintain Brad Pitt status. Most girls will agree a five o?clock shadow is indeed sexy, but the guy wearing it must have fully gone through puberty. Splotches of hair are not attractive. Do you like splotches of hair on our legs? If you can?t pull off the ?rough day? look then don?t, or at least wait until your body has fully blossomed.

All good things eventually must come to an end, and this philosophy holds true no matter how lucky your underwear, boxers, boxer briefs or whichever undergarments you choose to wear is. Everyone values luck, I understand that, but I don?t understand why you would wear underwear that could rip at even the mere thought of a wedgie. Your lucky underwear may not get you so lucky after all.

So wash your sheets and towels ? let?s leave the ringworm to the wrestling mats. Spare a little change for new undies and you?ll feel like a new man, or maybe just a clean one ? it?s still progress. Please step out of the Stone Age and your homo-sapien lifestyle. We women like clean men.

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