Collegiate Times

He said:

Sup fools? Word … word. So listen, almost everyone in our young and sexually impressionable age group tries to be on the cutting edge of everything. Since we're young, things of the archaic past (the 1970s and before) just don't seem to cut it anymore. While modes of dress may seem to reappear from time to time and impress high school girls with dad's credit card, ways of speech never seem to stop changing. This week's column is dedicated to the everyday slang of our generation's college students.

There seems to be a distinct difference between the spoken and the written word. I mean, none of us would ever write a paper the way that we actually speak. Just think of all the "uhhhhs" and the "uuummmmms" that would punctuate the thesis alone. I don't think the English language could survive without all of the minor noises we say in between thoughts. But sometimes the vernacular nonsense in everyday conversation is hard to bear, especially from chicks.

I asked a few of my buddies what the most annoying thing college girls say on a regular basis; and, besides "I'm in a sorority," AIM acronyms were at the top of the list. I couldn't agree more. I'm not sure when it happened, but, one way or another, instant messenger moved from the computer screen to the tongues of the bra-wearing population.

Seriously though, girls across this fine campus of ours are walking around and literally saying "o-m-g" and, instead of actually laughing out loud, saying "l-o-l" but with a straight face. It's really quite disturbing. For whatever reason, you ladies have become specialized in this particular kind of laziness. Although putting on makeup and girdles, and whatever else it is you have to do in the morning to take yourselves seriously, wastes countless hours of your lives, you all seem to detest actually saying anything without abbreviating it. W-t-f?

But, it's whatev, right? I mean, it's so obvi that guys have a language of their own as well. Instead of abbreviating things, however, guys seem to make things so much longer than they actually have to be. In a bold move, we talk in an almost completely opposite fashion than girls. And, while saying "holler at your boy" instead of "call me" doesn't always come off as simultaneously suave and gangster as some of us intend it to, it doesn't matter — saying things indirectly is the way to go. It's the guys who add -izzle to everything that you need to worry about.

Why is it that we prefer saying things indirectly more than actually saying them? I suppose it's because we have the rest of our lives to speak properly in work situations and such. I mean can you honestly see your grandparents saying something like, "Peace, just hit me up later?" Staying cool with slang only works for people without wrinkles or serious responsibilities. Otherwise, it just doesn't sound right, and everybody within earshot feels more out of place than a condom at Woodstock.

Either way, people just seem less important, less believable when everything's turned into slang. So, if you've adopted the abbreviated AOL way of life, keep it up and enjoy yourself because you're not going to be able to do it forever — unless you're a rap star or earning your masters in chill'n.

She said:

Girls do it better; and by better, I mean obvi. Like, if a guy said he was going to get a mani and a pedi, I'd be like whatevs, you're wack. And, O-M-G, how ridiculous is this vernacular?

As the red and green squiggly lines form an array of Christmas-like color on my Word document, I attempt to write in the manner that we speak. No one would ever consider writing a paper the way that we speak, so why has our modern day language become so absurd? Duhh, because it's cool. Speech is forever evolving. Can you remember the last time you uttered the word "groovy?" No, but I'm sure your parents can. Imagine your mom asking you W-T-F, why didn't you clean your room?The thought is preposterous; she would never say something like that.

Continue Reading: 12 Next »