Collegiate Times

It says a lot about a baseball team when its starting pitching is more decrepit than the stadium they play in, especially when that venue is Robert F. Kennedy Stadium, which has the same look and feel of a Chinese prison.

Unfortunately, that's the kind of ragged rotation that the Washington Nationals took with them to Viera, Florida for this year's spring training. It's tough to be in worse shape than RFK, but that's exactly what the Nats' pitching is. The starting rotation's currently consists of ace John Patterson and a giant "Help Wanted" sign.

I wish I were kidding.

Unfortunately, I'm not. The Nationals are holding Broadway-style auditions for their starting rotation, inviting a league-leading 37 pitchers to spring training.

Said team president Stan Kasten, of the abundance of arms, "Hopefully, we'll find a surprise — a pitcher or two in camp."

I don't know how he can like those odds, because with 37 possibilities; the Nationals have slightly worse odds than a roulette wheel.

So unless you've got a hot feeling about red 32, don't gamble on the Nationals finding a gem or two in the jungle. More than likely, the assemblage of journeymen pitchers will be just that, making the mound-to-dugout journey frequently, as they consistently get shellacked. It's that bad. Just look at the projected rotation.

Pitching against the Florida Marlins on Opening Day will be John Patterson, provided his arm doesn't fall off during spring training. That's not a joke. Patterson is frailer than a senior citizen, pitching just 40 games the past two seasons due to various injuries. Relying on him to be a staff ace is like hiring an alcoholic to drive in NASCAR.

However, for as much time as he's missed, at least Patterson has won a game in each of the past two seasons, something the man slated to throw after him can't say. In the past three seasons, Tim Redding has pitched for more teams: two, than he has won games: zero.

To be fair, in Redding's defense, last season he threw one complete game gem, a four-hit shutout performance in the playoffs. Triple-A's International League playoffs. Against the Toledo Mudhens. I wish I were kidding.

However, one upside from Redding's minor league stint is that it will help the rotation's cohesiveness, since every other potential starter pitched in the minors last year.

Either Jerome Williams, next in the rotation, knows Redding well or at least studied from his book, because Williams also managed to pull off the two-team, no-win tango. The lone upside Williams has is his Hawaiian heritage. In Hawaiian, aloha means both hello and goodbye, which will reduce in half the amount of words new manager Manny Acta will have to say when he visits him on the mound.

Say what you want about Redding and Williams (which I did), but at least they've pitched in the majors. Joel Hanrahan, who's likely to pitch fourth in the rotation, will be making his first major league start. He's not exactly a hot, can't-miss project or else the Los Angeles Dodgers would have re-signed him. But also, since no one's seen him pitch in the majors, there's a possibility he might not be horrible, which would put him on the fast track to being this staff's No. 1.

Rounding out the roughshod will be either Mike O'Connor or Shaun Hill, the two minor-leaguers brought up last summer. They gave Nats' fans a fleeting bit of hope when they each won a couple of starts (it was desperate times). A few weeks later, though, they came crashing down to Earth faster than the home run balls they were giving up and with that, brought down the hopes of the Nats' 2006 season.

And they're back, rounding out the 2007 starting rotation.

All told, they should be good for about 10 wins.

I wish I were kidding.