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Having been here for four years, I want to pass on the little I have learned. I've seen many parties at Tech since 2003, some were good, some were great and some were ruined by "that guy." Everything I know about what not to do at parties revolves around one principle, which I will name the "that guy" principle. First of all, don't be "that guy"… and you know exactly what and who I'm talking about.
"That guy" can appear in many forms — the first is the drink counter. "DUDE, I've had 10 beers, three tequila shots and I did a keg stand." This guy usually brings nothing to the table: he is probably a freshman, insecure about his tolerance and talking to him is like watching grass grow. Being in college for four years has taught me that the real drinkers don't count because it wastes brain cells, and they are precious. That guy is usually weird and is clearly a liar; don't let him in.
Next is the "sober guy." Now, before you go writing me hate mail, I'm not talking about the designated drivers or people who make the choice not to drink. I'm talking about the guy that "hates the taste of beer" and sits on the couch while taking careful mental notes of what everyone is doing, what girls they are talking to or vice versa. This guy is a blackmailer. He is either a Karl Rove in-training, stocking up on dirt in case you ever cross paths or he's self-righteous, has a crush on your girlfriend and wants to show her that he is the better guy. Beware of this man — he is evil and HATES fun.
No one sends me into more of a silent rage than the "that guy with the guitar." Damn you and the three chords you know. Here, we were all having a great time playing quarters and cards, then you decided to show us your bleeding heart. Now, there are times and places where there is nothing better than a good guitar player who's taking requests and it can be a great way to mellow out the end of party. But for the love of God, do not interrupt my fun and flirting with your lame rendition of "Daughters," "In My Place" or "Crash into Me." Pity is no substitute for self-confidence. Put the six-string away or someone might go "Animal House" on it (e.g. Belushi).
The next "guys" are the party fouls, and they usually come in three forms: "the meathead," "the creep" (also known as the "creeper") and the obnoxious, but always entertaining "been drinkin' for hours guy." The meathead, sworn enemy of drywall, finds cut-offs socially acceptable and is usually late to the party because he was at the gym (p.s. alcohol inhibits the rebuilding of muscle). Beware serving this man alcohol: it makes him angry. I can't tell you how many parties I've been to when suddenly Roids gets mad and puts his fist through the living room wall or another guest. I'd say just lock him out, but the only thing he hates more than drywall are doors that don't open.
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