Collegiate Times

Today's subject is the Washington Redskins. Before I get started on the recently released schedule, I have to first dispel a common myth. Not all Redskins fans are delusional fanatics who believe the 'Skins will go 16-0 and win the Super Bowl every single year.

No, no not even close. Most fans are sane, reasonable people who honestly believe that each year the Redskins could finish as poorly as 11-5 and lose in their conference championship.

I, however, fall in the former group. I was born in the middle of a Redskins' game and have been blessed with a delusional mind ever since. In the 22 seasons I've been around, I've predicted a Super Bowl victory at the start of every single one. And with three correct guesses in my lifetime, I've got a 13 percent success rate.

While I'll admit that predicting Washington to win the Super Bowl every year is a bit ridiculous, what's wrong with being so optimistic? In professional football every team has a chance, unless you're team hails from Cleveland.

I'll admit I'm a bit biased. But I'll try and take an honest, rational look at the 'Skins' upcoming season. It's certainly tough, but after looking through it, I'm pretty confident we'll finish 16-0.

Let's break it down.

Sept. 9 vs. Miami Dolphins: The 'Skins open against a team with a rookie head coach, Cam Cameron, and a starting quarterback, Daunte Culpepper, whose knee ligaments have the integrity of shredded cheddar cheese. Throw in the fact that the Dolphins' starting defense is older than most geological formations then there's no reason to assume the Redskins won't start 1-0.

Sept. 17 @ Philadelphia Eagles: NFC East play begins with another team whose quarterback situation is in flux. Donavan McNabb's knee might be worse than Culpepper's. Worse yet, the backup the Eagles brought in, Kelly Holcomb, led the Cleveland Browns to the playoff a few years ago, a feat no less impressive than early man developing agriculture. Quarterback controversies can ruin any team. To 2-0 we go.

Sept. 23 vs. New York Giants: Tiki Barber's gone. His replacement, Reuben Droughns, lost 11 fumbles over the past two years. It's good to know the Giants haven't lost anything with Barber's retirement. Meanwhile, Jeremy Shockey's about three more overthrown passes away from ripping off Eli Manning's arm. All in all, it should be a fun season in the Big Apple. 3-0? I think so.

Sept. 30 Bye Week: Book your tickets now to Fred Smoot's Potomac River Bye Week Cruise. It's expected to sell out fast.

Oct. 7 vs. Detroit Lions: In the offseason, the Lions signed ex-Redskin T.J. Duckett, who should be itching to get revenge on the team that traded for and subsequently benched him. No worries though, the reason Duckett didn't play is because he's got the speed and agility of a cinderblock. Hello 4-0

Oct. 14 @ Green Bay Packers: The 'Skins' formerly stout rushing defense will have its best game of the season here. Not only will Brett Favre be hucking up 50 passes a game in his farewell tour, the Packers roundtable of running backs has combined for 891 career yards. Clinton Portis should have that by this game. 5-0, you know.

Oct. 21 vs. Arizona Cardinals: As always, a lot of people are predicting the Cardinals to have a breakout year. Luckily, I'm not that dumb. The Cardinals suck. 'Skins: 6-0

Oct. 28 @ New England Patriots: I would say this game has the potential to be the 'Skins' first slip up, but when this game finally comes around, Tom Brady will have his hands full with two two-month-olds from two different mothers. Not even the Golden Boy can handle two mother-in-laws. 7-0 after the win at Foxboro.

Nov. 4 @ New York Jets: I will be in attendance this game. The Redskins have never lost a road game that I've attended. At the same time, I've never actually attended a road game. Doesn't matter though, 'cause we'll be 8-0.

Nov. 11 vs. Eagles: How has Andy Reid not had a heart attack living in Philly for eight straight years? All those greasy cheesesteaks, the man is a coronary waiting to happen. And how has no one convinced him to go on a diet? Just curious. 9-0, right as Reid's ticker blows.

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