Collegiate Times

This will be the last article I write about the tragedy that took place at Virginia Tech on April 16. The topic: where do we go from here?

I write to you not as a journalist but as a Virginia Tech student and the truth is I'm wondering the same thing. Where do we go from here?

While I don't have all the answers, what I do have are the thoughts that get me from one day to the next. I offer them up to you in hopes that they will bring you some comfort and direction for the coming days.Nikki Giovanni spoke to the mood of the grieving Hokie Nation on April 17 when she said, "We are sad today, and we will be sad for quite a while. We are not moving on, we are embracing our mourning."Sitting in Cassell Coliseum during the convocation ceremony, I understood those words and my own sadness. With the weight of what had happened bearing down on me, it was somewhat of a relief to give in to my emotions.I was not interested in a "speedy recovery," if you will.

However, a little over two months after the fact, my emotions are much more perplexing to me. Like many of my friends, I don't want to live in denial of what happened but I refuse to go on wearing my sadness at the situation like a veil.So when is it OK to start moving on? The concept itself isn't an easy one to swallow given that it implies a sense of abrupt normalcy, a fixed end to the grieving period, and the most frightening of all, forgetting that anything ever happened.For some, it may seem both more comfortable and natural to remain in a continuous cycle of grief. Moving neither forward nor backward, a constant and loyal prisoner to one's own wrenching heartache. To those of you who are struggling with the guilt of moving on versus the pain of holding on, I offer you the wisdom of an old Chinese proverb that someone once shared with me. It states: "One joy shatters a hundred griefs."Contemplating these words and their meaning, I have realized that moving on is not about feeling guilty. Rather it is about uncovering the small joys that are hidden in the every day and taking comfort in every good thing that comes out of a bad situation.Things like cards and care packages from complete strangers who just want you to know they care; prayer shawls sent from churches nationwide that have been lovingly hand-knitted and blessed stitch-by-stitch; scholarships and memorial runs in honor of our fallen Hokies; a simple "I love you all" from the president of our great university during his commencement remarks; an incoming freshman class so moved by the demonstrated strength and harmony of this community that they send letters to the administration telling them how they cannot wait to call themselves Hokies.These blessings in disguise are what have kept me going. They are a constant reminder that slowly but surely, things will get better. It is my hope that you can derive the same peace I have found from these small joys and that you will use such joys as a reason to live life to the fullest for those who no longer can. Don't allow yourself to feel guilty about your own happiness. Instead smile that much wider. Chances are someone's smiling back at you. Stand a little taller when you walk by Norris Hall and remember those who fought to save the lives of their fellow Hokies. And when the leaves on the Drillfield turn orange and maroon, you'll can bet who's up there watching over us. Love for 32, laugh for 32, live for 32. In the words of President Charles W. Steger, "Let April 16 be on our future calendars...to remember those precious members of our community who we lost...But also to renew our commitment to learning and growing...to rededicate ourselves to being outstanding citizens of this great nation and the world...to be a bright light on the horizon of tomorrow that will chase away the darkness of our fears, (and) to show the world once again that we are Virginia Tech!"We may move on, but we will never forget.Go Hokies.