Collegiate Times

Today is a slow day, and the spirits of inspiration have not graced me with 800 words worth of material on any one topic. So instead I offer a collection of random thoughts.

First off, why is marijuana still illegal? Don't we have better things to do with our tax dollars than to eradicate a weed that makes people happy?

Along the same lines, why is the drinking age 21? If you are responsible enough vote, go to jail, and die in Iraq (or wherever else we're sticking our noses), then aren't you responsible enough to have a cold beer? Maybe we should lower the drinking age to 18 and raise the driving age to 21. Give people a chance to learn how to handle their liquor before we let them operate dangerous machines.

I don't see what the argument is over global warming. If we're the cause, then we ought to alter our personal habits to be less wasteful of limited resources. If we're not the cause, then it's still a good idea to be less wasteful because then we all save money. It's a win-win situation.

I saw a great T-shirt the other day. It showed a mother talking to her young son before sending him off to school. The caption read, "Now remember Johnny, only retards wear their collars up."

Speaking of fashion, why do women continue to put up with things like high heels? Yes, they look good, but every woman I've dated couldn't walk more than 500 feet in them before developing quarter-sized blisters.

Diamonds don't say, "I love you." What diamonds do say is, "I'm a sucker who paid way too much money for a rock that probably cost someone a few fingers to dig out of the ground in South Africa."

Until the divorce rate in this country drops significantly, the phrase "sanctity of marriage" should hereby be banned.

I saw a bumper sticker that read, "Plants and animals die to make room for your fat a--." This bumper sticker was, of course, on an automobile. Anyone see the irony?

We desperately need illegal aliens if we want our fruit picked, toilets cleaned, and asbestos removed. And Spanish isn't a particularly difficult language to learn.

Here's the formula for success in America: Do well in high school. Go to college. Get that dream job right after college. Work the next 40 years to make sure you can buy plenty of toys upon retirement. Do all this and you'll be happy. Honestly.

Can we all agree that political dynasties are a bad idea that lend to cronyism? Democrats point at the Bush family as case-in-point. So why on earth are they so gung-ho about Hillary Clinton? I miss Bill, too, but not that badly.

Blacksburg is a little slice of heaven. It's a small town full of life located in one of the most beautiful parts of the country. Yet so many people say they can't wait to get away. I have no idea why.

I really do get a kick out of telling my friends and family from Tennessee that Virginia's two biggest universities call themselves Hokies and Wahoos.

Stephen Colbert recently announced that he is running for president as a favorite son candidate in his native South Carolina. While that is awesome, I'd still vote for Ron Paul.

The entire state of Illinois is one big coal field. I'd much rather strip mine Illinois for coal than blow up West Virginia. Yes, that includes Chicago too. Mountains are much prettier than cornfields and skyscrapers.

You know what the best thing is about being near the end of a Ph.D. program in engineering? It's not the money, the fame, or the satisfaction of never having to sit through classes again. It's the swarms of hot chicks who can't keep their hands off me.

Virginia Tech is an extremely diverse environment. I have interacted with people from Switzerland, England, Mexico, Iran, India and China, just to name a few countries. These were people both in and outside my field of study, and they've all enriched my experience here. So what's all the fuss about a lack of diversity?

Here's a tip for those of you who are about to turn 21 and are planning a bar-crawl: Do not tell the bartender, "Make me your favorite shot." You will most likely get a shot of straight rail whiskey. If you want some froo-froo drink, ask for it by name. There are my random thoughts. Comments, criticisms and hate mail are welcome.